How Should We Raise Our Children?

[Proverbs 17:2, 6-7, 17, 21, 25]

How should we raise our children?
I came across an article on Christian Today with the title “Principles Are More Important Than Methods in Raising Children.” I decided to read it, and it was about a book titled "Family Principles That Determine My Child's Future" (Internet). In this book, the author (Jeong Jeong-sook) states that parents must become experts in raising their children, and to do so, they need to learn well. However, the most important thing is not just the methods or skills of parenting, but rather learning and practicing the principles of child-rearing first. Furthermore, parents should establish consistent attitudes and principles for disciplining and training their children. One of these principles involves two key ways to pass down a healthy faith to children: education through example and joyful family time. By setting these principles, parents can raise their children to be emotionally and spiritually healthy.

In today’s passage from Proverbs 17:2, King Solomon says: “A wise servant will rule over a disgraceful son and will share the inheritance as one of the brothers.” Today, based on this verse, I want to share three lessons on how parents should raise their children:

First: Parents must raise their children to be wise children of God.

Look at Proverbs 17:2: “A wise servant will rule over a disgraceful son and will share the inheritance as one of the brothers.” Personally, as I continue to reflect on the Proverbs, I have begun to realize how important “wisdom” is according to the Bible. In other words, God is teaching me the value of wisdom through the Proverbs. Because of this, I seek God’s wisdom more earnestly, and I pray and reflect on how, through God's wisdom, I can raise my wife and children in a way that pleases Him. As I meditate on Proverbs, I find myself holding onto and praying through James 1:5 more than before: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

In today’s passage, King Solomon says that the wise servant, because of his wisdom, will rule over the disgraceful son of the master and will share the inheritance as one of the brothers. Here, Solomon contrasts the wise servant with the disgraceful son. One is in the status of a "servant," and the other is in the status of a "son." Despite this, the servant, because of his wisdom, shares the inheritance as if he were a son. How is this possible? How can a servant, who does not have the status of a son, receive the inheritance as if he were a son? The answer is because the servant had wisdom.

When we think about this "wise servant," we cannot ignore the words in Proverbs 16:20, which explain what wisdom is: “Whoever pays attention to the word will find good, and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord.” What does this mean? Wisdom means paying attention to God's word. In Proverbs 19:20, we read: “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” When we pay attention to God’s word and accept His counsel and correction, we become wise. And the wise person, as Proverbs 17:2 says, will receive good things—just like the wise servant who shares in the inheritance. However, the disgraceful son, who acts dishonorably, is a source of sorrow for his father and anguish for his mother, as Proverbs 17:25 states: “A foolish son is grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him.” This means that the foolish son, through his shameful actions, causes grief to his father and pain to his mother. Additionally, Proverbs 17:21 says: “He who begets a fool does so to his sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy.” Here, the word “fool” appears twice. The first "fool" in the Hebrew means “slow to understand, dull, thickheaded”, while the second refers to someone who lacks “spiritual insight and sensitivity” (Walvoord). In other words, a foolish child is not only dull and thickheaded, but also lacks spiritual perception and sensitivity, unable to discern God's will. As a result, they live according to their own desires, performing shameful actions. Therefore, they become a source of sorrow and pain for their parents.

How should we raise our children?

Dear friends, if we or you have children who are engaging in shameful acts that bring worry and pain, can we find joy in life? We must raise our children to be wise children of God. To do this, I believe that we, as parents, need to be faithful in at least three important aspects. In doing so, we should apply the same principles to raising our children:

1. We must pay careful attention to God's Word (Proverbs 16:20). In other words, we must focus on God's Word. We need to meditate on it day and night, and obey the voice of God that speaks to us through it. We must receive God's commandments as wise people (Proverbs 10:8) and be taught by His Word. In doing so, we will become wiser (Proverbs 9:9).

2. We must walk with the wise. Look at Proverbs 13:20: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm." We should not associate with fools. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 14:7 to leave the presence of the foolish because their lips lack knowledge (Proverbs 14:7). If we continue to associate with fools, we will face harm and suffering. Instead, we should walk with the wise, for by doing so, we will gain wisdom (Proverbs 13:20).

3. We must ask God for wisdom. Look at James 1:5: "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." As we come to realize our lack of wisdom through meditation on God's Word, we should ask God more earnestly for wisdom.

Secondly, as parents, we must discipline our children to live rightly by God's grace.

Look at Proverbs 17:6: "Grandchildren are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father." Here, if we interpret this strictly, it means that grandchildren bring joy and dignity to their grandparents. However, if we interpret it more broadly, it suggests that descendants are the crown of their ancestors, indicating that the legacy of faith continues to be passed down. Therefore, the faith and godly influence of ancestors are reflected in the love and respect shared within the family, and it impacts the children and grandchildren (MacArthur).

In short, when children live rightly by God's grace, it brings glory to their parents. Moreover, when children and descendants live rightly by God's grace, it brings glory to their ancestors. Friends, if we walk the right path by God's grace throughout our lives, and when we reach old age (cf. Proverbs 16:31), before we leave this world, we can see that our children and grandchildren are also walking the right path we have walked—how much joy and glory that would bring to us!

Of course, we know that raising children doesn't always go as we wish. No matter how much we try to model the faith and teach God's Word to our children, sometimes the result is children who disobey both God and their parents. However, if we think about it from the other side, if we as parents have failed to model the faith properly and have not raised our children well in God's Word, but yet our children are living faithfully and rightly, it is completely by God's grace. As Dr. Park Yun-seon said, "What we must remember here is that even if parents teach their children well, their obedience is only possible by God's grace." (Park Yun-seon).

If, by God's grace, our children live according to the right path, following the example set by their parents, what great joy and glory that would bring to us as parents! Friends, if we have had parents who have lived rightly by God's grace, then according to the second part of Proverbs 17:6, we can say that those parents are "the glory" for their children. In other words, our children should take pride in such parents.

Isn't that interesting? In Proverbs 17:6, three generations appear: grandparents, parents, and children. The grandchildren are the joy and glory (the "crown") of the grandparents, and the parents are the pride of their children. Isn't it fascinating and precious to think about this relationship? It is truly beautiful and precious for a family of three generations—grandparents, parents, and children—to bring joy, glory, and pride to each other. When all three generations love God and live rightly by His grace, it brings joy and glory to each other, and they can take pride in one another. Wouldn't we all want to build such a family? To

Thirdly, as parents, we must teach our children to love their friends and siblings.

Look at Proverbs 17:17: "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." As parents, when we pray for our children, one of the common prayer requests is often, "Please help them meet good friends." Especially for parents like me, who have children attending school, we pray not only that they meet good teachers, but also that God would guide them to meet good friends. I remember praying for our church's college students when they went to university, asking God to provide them with good professors, but also praying that they would find good roommates and friends. The reason is that when they meet faithful friends, it positively influences their faith and helps them grow in the Lord. In the first part of Proverbs 17:17, King Solomon says, "A friend loves at all times." What does this mean? It means that, especially in times of crisis, the love of a friend shines even brighter than in times of comfort and ease. A good example of this is David and Jonathan. In the midst of King Saul's attempts to kill David, Jonathan loved David so much that he did not even spare his own life for him.

Look at Proverbs 18:24: "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Friends, how precious is a friend who is closer than a brother? What a great blessing it is if our children have such friends! Shouldn’t we teach our children to become such friends by teaching them about the love of Jesus Christ, who is our friend? To do this, we must love our children with the love of Christ. By receiving Christ's love, our children can then give that same love to their friends. Beyond friendship, we must also teach our children the love of siblings. The second part of Proverbs 17:17 tells us that "A brother is born for adversity." What does this mean? It means that "siblings born of the same bloodline will voluntarily help each other in times of trouble" (Park Yun-seon). This is a lesson that teaches us as parents to raise children who will help and care for each other voluntarily in difficult and challenging times. While it’s valuable for siblings to love and help each other in times of peace, it’s especially precious when, in hard times, siblings help each other with a willing heart. How can we teach our children this kind of love? I believe that when parents help and love each other in times of difficulty, they can teach their children the love of siblings. We also need to pray for them to understand God's love more deeply, widely, and profoundly.

Closing Reflections:

Today, we received three lessons from Proverbs 17:2 on how to raise our children:

1. We must raise our children to be wise children of God.

2. We must discipline our children to live rightly by God's grace.

3. As parents, we must teach our children to love their friends and siblings.

I hope that we will obey these words and raise our children according to the principles of God’s Word, so that they may bring glory to God in all things. May we, as parents, teach and nurture the children entrusted to us in a way that honors God.

 do that, we as parents need to teach our children well. We must raise our children in the instruction and discipline of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).