The Wise Woman Who Builds Her House (Prov. 14:1-9)

The Wise Woman Who Builds Her House

[Proverbs 14:1–9]

Everyone, how should you and I go about building each of our homes? Personally, when I reflect on the Lord’s promise given to our Victory Presbyterian Church in Matthew 16:18 — the promise that the Lord will build His church — I hold on to that word in prayer with three prayer topics. These three prayer topics are as follows: I pray that the Lord will raise up workers among us who have Christ-centered dreams. In that context, I also pray that the Lord would establish each of our families. And I pray that the Lord would build up Victory Presbyterian Church, which is His body, and through it, establish His kingdom. That is why, whenever I pray with you, I often include the individual, the family, and the church together as prayer topics.

Among these three prayer topics, today I especially cannot help but reflect on the second one: how should we pray for the Lord to build our families?

As a review, let us look back at the message preached on May 18, 2008, titled “Lord, Build Our Home!” based on 1 Chronicles 17:16–27. At that time, we received three prayer points:
(1) “Lord, let my home be governed by the grace of God!” (v.16),
(2) “Lord, let Your Word have authority in my home!” (v.23), and
(3) “Lord, let my home experience Your presence through prayer!” (v.25).

Let us once again reflect, in light of today’s message and in prayer, on whether our homes are truly governed by God’s grace, whether His Word has authority in our households, and whether we are experiencing God’s presence through prayer.

Today, focusing on Proverbs 14:1–9, I want to meditate on the fact that the Lord uses a wise woman to build our homes. Look at Proverbs 14:1:
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
Based on this passage and under the title “The Wise Woman Who Builds Her House,” I would like to consider two main points. It is my hope that, as we meditate on these two points, we will receive the teaching that God gives us and, in obedience, humbly participate in the Lord’s work of building our homes and the church we serve.

First, let us consider the foolish woman who tears down her house with her own hands.

Look again at the latter part of Proverbs 14:1:
“…but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
So, who is this foolish woman who destroys her house with her own hands?

First, the foolish woman who tears down her house is one who despises God.

Let us look at the latter part of today’s text, Proverbs 14:2:
“…but he who is devious in his ways despises the Lord.”
The foolish woman is the one who is “devious in her ways.” According to Dr. Park Yun-sun, a person who acts deviously is someone who follows only what seems right in her own eyes. And a foolish woman who acts according to her own desires despises God. In other words, she holds God in contempt.

So how exactly does she despise God?
Dr. Park Yun-sun outlines seven ways:

A foolish woman who despises God loves pleasure more than she loves God (2 Timothy 3:4).
A foolish woman who despises God acts according to her corrupt human nature, does not repent, and does not believe in God (Jude 1:10).
A foolish woman who despises God scorns Him because He is patient with human sin and does not punish quickly or every time; she ends up denying God's existence altogether (Romans 2:4).
A foolish woman who despises God does not fear the Word of God written in Scripture (Proverbs 13:13).
A foolish woman who despises God does not glorify God, but instead glorifies herself. In other words, she seeks to steal the glory that belongs to God.
A foolish woman who despises God does not pray, which is to despise the promise of God who said He would give to those who ask (Matthew 7:7–11).
A foolish woman who despises God does not worship Him with sincerity and devotion.

In this way, a foolish woman who despises God does not fear the Lord, but rather holds Him in contempt. As a result, she does not walk the straight path, but instead walks in a crooked way. That is, a foolish woman who despises God walks in double-dealings, as noted in the KJV Bible commentary.
She is insincere, and because she does not fear God, she does not act with integrity (nor can she), and instead does evil.
Therefore, a foolish woman who despises God tears down her house with her own hands.

Secondly, a foolish woman who tears down her house with her own hands is proud.

Let us look at the first part of Proverbs 14:3:
“A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride…”
The Bible teaches us that a foolish woman who does not fear God is proud (v. 3).
In her pride, she considers others as inferior to herself. As a result, she belittles and disregards others in her heart.

For example, in a household where the wife is foolish and proud, she sees her husband as less than herself. She ridicules and despises him. And so, with her words, she speaks disrespectfully to her husband, wounding his heart.
What’s more serious is that she doesn’t even realize that she has hurt him with her words.
Now, how would the husband feel living with such a proud and foolish wife? And what would happen to their home?
Would the house be built up or fall apart?

Proverbs 11:2a says,
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace…”
What does this mean?
It means that a foolish and proud woman brings shame upon herself with her own mouth.

And what kind of shame does she face?
Proverbs 10:13b says,
“…but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense.”
In other words, the foolish and proud woman will be shamed and disciplined with a rod or a whip (see also Proverbs 26:3).

Therefore, God humbles the proud woman (Proverbs 29:23).
God will never use a proud woman to build a home.

So, a foolish and proud woman destroys her house.

Third, the foolish woman who tears down her house with her own hands is arrogant.

Let us look at the first part of Proverbs 14:6:
"A scoffer seeks wisdom and does not find it…"
A foolish woman is arrogant and refuses to listen to others. As a result, she loses the ability to listen (MacDonald).

Friends, what happens when someone loses the ability to listen?
Even if we have two ears, if we constantly reject the counsel, advice, and correction of our loved ones, such a person not only becomes trapped in their own sense of being right but also turns into a deeply selfish individual who knows nothing beyond themselves.
In such a state, that person will inevitably lose all their friends.
Who would want to be friends with someone so self-centered?

Furthermore, if that person thinks they are superior to others, the words that come out of their mouth will sound unbearably arrogant.
Who would want to remain around someone like that?

If, within a household, a wife is foolish and arrogant, she will reject listening to her husband.
Over time, as she loses the ability to listen, she becomes prideful, arrogant, and selfish.
Can you imagine the negative influence such a woman would have on her husband—and especially her children?

Proverbs 14:6 says that a scoffer, even if she seeks wisdom, will not find it.
Isn’t that strange?
How can someone who refuses to listen to others and believes only in their own rightness seek wisdom?

The issue isn’t the act of seeking wisdom—it’s that the person seeking it is arrogant and does not fear the Lord, which is the foundation of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7; 9:10) (Walvoord).
How can a person who is proud and arrogant, and who does not fear God, ever truly receive wisdom?

Proverbs 16:18 states:
"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."
A foolish woman, lacking wisdom and full of arrogance, causes her husband and children to stumble.
By exerting a harmful influence over her husband and children, she inevitably destroys her household with her own hands.

Fourth, the foolish woman who tears down her house with her own hands lacks knowledge.

Look at Proverbs 14:7:
"Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge."
The foolish woman who destroys her home despises God, is proud and arrogant, and does not listen to the Word of God.
That is, she continuously acts and speaks in a way that disregards God (Psalm 14:1) (Park Yun-sun).

Furthermore, because of her pride and lack of understanding, she loves debates, arguments, slander, and evil suspicions, which stir up jealousy and strife (1 Timothy 6:4).
Friends, if a wife at home is proud yet knows nothing, she will surely enjoy arguing and debating.
And what will result?
Jealousy, conflict, slander, and evil thoughts will fill the home, leaving no room for peace.

What’s worse is that although this foolish woman lacks knowledge, her pride leads her to think that she knows everything.
And if she is so arrogant that she refuses to listen to anyone’s advice or words, what do you think will become of that home?

The same is true of the church, which is a spiritual family.
If someone is proud and arrogant, lacks the knowledge of God, and yet delights in debates and disputes, that church will be filled with noise and discord.
Teaching such a person would also be extremely difficult.
Why?
Because their pride prevents them from having a heart and attitude that is teachable.

That is why Scripture urges us in Proverbs 14:7:
"Leave the presence of a fool."
If we do not walk away from such a foolish person, we ourselves may fall into the same trap—despising God and becoming those who foolishly tear down our own homes.

Fifth, the foolish woman who tears down her house with her own hands deceives herself.

Let us look at the second half of Proverbs 14:8:
“… the folly of fools is deception.”
The foolish woman’s folly lies in disregarding God.
In other words, her foolishness is that she believes there is no God (Psalm 53:1).
Therefore, not only does she not fear God, but she cannot fear Him. As a result, she becomes corrupt and commits detestable evil (Psalm 53:1).
She not only does not do good, but is incapable of doing good (verses 1, 3).
Nevertheless, the foolish woman thinks her ways are right (Proverbs 12:15).

This reminds us of James 1:22:
“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
The Bible teaches that simply hearing the Word without obeying it means deceiving oneself.
But the foolish and arrogant woman, who believes there is no God, does not even listen to the Word of God.
How, then, can a woman who disregards God obey His Word?
That is self-deception.
And how can a self-deceived foolish woman build her home (family)?

Sixth, the foolish woman who tears down her house with her own hands takes sin lightly.

Let us look at the first half of Proverbs 14:9:
“Fools mock at sin…”
The foolish woman believes God does not exist, so she does not listen to His Word.
Because she does not listen to God’s Word, she does not know the truth.
What happens when someone does not know the truth?
Because the foolish woman lacks truth, she commits evil.
Yet, she does not even recognize her sins as sins—she has lost that capacity.

On the contrary, as Proverbs 10:23 says, the foolish woman “takes pleasure in wickedness.”
Her heart has been hardened by sin, so she does not fear sinning against God.
That is, the foolish woman takes sin lightly.
Even though God takes sin very seriously, she treats it as trivial.

Pastor Park Yun-sun said:
“The one who is ignorant of Scripture does not recognize sin as sin, but rather takes pleasure in it.”

Therefore, she not only does not repent, she cannot repent.
Why? Because she does not see her sin as sin, she feels no need to repent.
As a result, she will continue to live a life of sinning against God.
By taking sin lightly, she will live a sinful life removed from God’s grace.
Her conscience will be so hardened that she will commit countless sins without feeling any guilt.

If such a woman is in a household, what will become of that home?

Finally, let us now consider the second main point: the wise woman who builds her house.

Let us look at the first half of Proverbs 14:1:
“The wise woman builds her house…”
Who, then, is this wise woman who builds her home?

First, the wise woman who builds her house walks with integrity because she fears the Lord.

Let us look at the first part of Proverbs 14:2:
"He who walks in uprightness fears the Lord..."
The wise woman who builds her house fears God. This is because the fear of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom (1:7). And the wise woman who fears the Lord walks with integrity.
So, how does a wise woman who walks with integrity because of her fear of God live out her faith?

Dr. Park Yun-sun mentions five things:
(1) Even in ordinary tasks, she fears God in order not to sin,
(2) She lives devoutly in secret and stays awake to pray,
(3) She does not sin in her heart,
(4) In times of peace, she is careful and fearful of straying from the Lord,
(5) In difficult times, she does not try to escape them by compromising, but rather holds on to her integrity.

A wise woman who walks in integrity because she fears God never takes sin lightly (v.9).
On the contrary, because she fears God, she takes sin very seriously (v.9).
Therefore, when she sins against God, she realizes her sin and immediately confesses and repents.
Thus, God grants grace to the woman who fears the Lord and walks with integrity (v.9).
In other words, when a woman who fears the Lord and walks with integrity repents of her sin and returns to God, He gladly accepts her (Walvoord).
Isn't this God's grace? (8:35)

In Proverbs 31:30, which we are all familiar with, the Bible says this about the woman who fears the Lord:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
The wise woman who fears the Lord and walks with integrity receives praise from both God and people.
Through such women, God builds our families and His church.

Second, the wise woman who builds her house has knowledge on her lips.

Let us look at Proverbs 14:7:
“Leave the presence of a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips.”
The wise woman, because she fears God, is humble before God and people.
Because of her humility, not only does she listen well to the voice of God, but she also listens humbly to the counsel and rebuke of the wise, making it easy for her to gain knowledge (v.6).
She even listens humbly to the rebuke of the righteous.
Rather, she considers the rebuke of the wise as grace (Psalm 141:5).
Therefore, she welcomes the rebuke of the wise.
The reason is that she knows she can benefit from the wisdom of their rebuke.

How does she benefit from the rebuke of the wise?
It is because the wise woman gains learning from the rebuke of the wise, which is beneficial to her (Proverbs 1:5; 9:9).

Let us look at Proverbs 9:9:
"Instruct the wise, and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous, and they will add to their learning."
The wise woman who humbly adds to her knowledge does not provoke trouble with her words like a proud woman (3:3).
Rather, she preserves herself with her lips (v.3).
In other words, the wise woman speaks when necessary and remains silent when appropriate, guarding her speech so that it benefits others.
Thus, she also benefits herself (Park Yun-sun).

Dr. Park Yun-sun said:
“The wise love others, so they do not slander but protect them instead (1 Peter 4:8). Therefore, others also protect them with their words.”

Moreover, as a faithful witness (v.5), she testifies to God’s Word with knowledge-filled lips.
Through such wise women with knowledge on their lips, God builds our homes and the church, the body of Christ.

Third, the wise woman who builds her house is diligent.

Let’s look at today’s passage, Proverbs 14:4:
“Where no oxen are, the crib is clean; but much increase comes by the strength of the ox.”
Of course, if there are no oxen, the crib is clean. However, without oxen, there is no strength to till the fields. Therefore, without oxen, a large harvest cannot be obtained.
Thus, the wise woman buys oxen (money), invests time (time) to feed and care for them, and works diligently with them to harvest abundantly. As we read the Bible, we can see that God often mentions animals, especially oxen, to teach people the importance of effort. For example, in Deuteronomy 25:4, the Bible says:
“You shall not muzzle an ox while it treads out the grain.”
Thus, Dr. Park Yun-sun said, “The ‘ox’ is a symbol of faithfulness and effort.”
That is, the wise woman is faithful and works hard. She works diligently so that “her work will not be in vain” (Proverbs 31:11).
From Proverbs 31:13, we see that the virtuous woman “seeks wool and flax, and works willingly with her hands” (v.13). She rises before dawn, gives food to her household, assigns tasks to her maidservants (v.15), girds her waist with strength and makes her arms strong (v.17), realizes that her trading is profitable, and does not extinguish her lamp at night (v.18).
And she “looks after the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” (v.27).
Therefore, her children arise and call her blessed, and her husband praises her (v.28).
Through this wise and diligent woman, God builds families and churches.

Fourth, the wise woman who builds her house knows her path.

Let’s look at today’s passage, Proverbs 14:8:
“The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit.”
The foolish woman does not fear God, and because she despises Him, she does not seek God’s will or walk the path that He desires. Instead, she walks her own path according to her own desires. This ultimately reveals only her foolishness, because she lives as if God does not exist (Psalm 53:1).
And in the end, it is nothing more than deceiving herself. The reason is that living apart from God is living apart from the truth and living a false life.
Thus, the foolish woman, who deceives herself and reveals her own foolishness, will inevitably destroy her own house.
However, the wise woman builds her house. She first knows her path. She knows God’s will for her life and lives according to that will.
In other words, the wise woman knows what she should do according to God’s will and does it with faithfulness (1 Corinthians 7:17) (Dr. Park Yun-sun).
One of God’s wills is to build her house and also to build the church, which is God’s house.
The wise woman knows this will of the Lord, and in order to fulfill it, she serves the Lord faithfully, working diligently, and humbly living according to His will, fearing God.
Through this wise woman, the Lord builds His house.

Conclusion of the reflection:
When you think of the wise woman who builds her house, who comes to mind from the Bible? I think of Ruth, the Moabite woman from the book of Ruth. The Bible describes this Moabite woman Ruth as “a woman of excellence” (Ruth 3:11).
In some ways, Ruth’s family was devastated: her father-in-law Elimelech died, her husband Mahlon died, her brother-in-law Chilion died, and her sister-in-law Orpah left her family. The only ones left were her widowed mother-in-law Naomi and herself.
Though Ruth was a foreign woman, she followed her mother-in-law Naomi to Bethlehem in Judah and worked hard in Boaz’s fields. Eventually, she married Boaz, and they had Obed, the grandfather of David.
Thus, Ruth’s name was included in the genealogy of Jesus, the Messiah. What an amazing grace this is!
When reflecting on this grace, I truly believe Ruth was a wise and virtuous woman. She was a woman who sought grace (Ruth 2:10), was obedient (3:5-6), and was also a woman of kindness (3:10).
Through Ruth, God built Boaz’s family, and through that family, the Messiah, Jesus, was born into the world, and through Jesus, God built the church.
The Lord also desires to build the church of His body, Victory Presbyterian Church, through us.
Therefore, we must become wise. Wise Christians act with integrity, fearing God. Wise Christians have knowledge on their lips. Wise Christians are diligent. And wise Christians know their path and faithfully do the work that is in line with the Lord’s will.
May we be those wise individuals who build the Lord’s house.