Why do people engage in extramarital affairs?

 

 

 

"Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house" (Proverbs 5:8).

 

 

I still remember vividly. During a marriage preparation class, one sister mentioned that when she got married, her husband would inevitably cheat on her at some point. I was a bit shocked when I heard this. How could a sister, who wasn’t even married yet, predict that her future husband would have an affair and even accept this as a reality? Perhaps she thought that due to the widespread nature of infidelity in today’s society, such things could happen in her own marriage too. On one hand, I was shocked by her words, but on the other hand, I began to wonder why she said that. It occurred to me that maybe she said it because so many people today are involved in extramarital affairs. Why do men, who have wives, choose to engage in affairs with other women? Why do women, who have husbands, choose to engage in affairs with other men?

I believe one of the reasons is found in today's passage, Proverbs 5:8. The reason is that we don’t keep a distance from those we should avoid, but instead, we draw closer to them. Of course, in this passage, the writer of Proverbs is referring to the "woman" as the "immoral woman" (or “wayward woman” in the Contemporary Bible version, Proverbs 5:3). Why does the author of Proverbs warn us to stay away from the immoral woman? Because if we get close to her, "in the end, she will leave you with bitterness and pain" (Proverbs 5:4, Contemporary Bible version). At first, it might not be like that. Who would continue an extramarital affair while experiencing bitterness and pain from the start? However, what they don’t realize is that eventually, only bitterness and pain remain. If someone knowingly starts an affair, even if they understand this fact in their head, they will eventually experience the bitterness and suffering as a wake-up call.

Another reason to stay away from the immoral woman is that if we get close to her, "you will lose the honor you once enjoyed, and you will be killed by the hands of violent men; strangers will fill their stomachs with your wealth, and your labor will go to another man’s house" (Proverbs 5:9-10). In reality, due to affairs, people not only lose honor and wealth but sometimes even their lives, as we often see in the news. A man who sleeps with another man’s wife (Proverbs 6:29) will face the wrath of the husband, who, in jealousy and anger, will seek revenge and never forgive the man who slept with his wife (Proverbs 5:34). "No matter how much alimony or gifts he offers, the husband will not accept it" (Proverbs 5:35). What will a jealous, angry husband do to the man who slept with his wife? Won't he try to kill him? Aren’t these things happening in real life?

Another reason to stay away from the immoral woman is that if you get close to her, "your body will eventually become sick and useless, and you will end up lamenting, saying: ‘Why did I hate correction? Why did I despise rebuke? I did not listen to my teachers or incline my ear to those who instructed me; now, I am publicly ashamed’" (Proverbs 5:12-14, Contemporary Bible version). When people are involved in affairs, do they listen to correction or rebuke? Look at Proverbs 6:27-28: "Can a man carry fire in his chest and not burn his clothes? Can a man walk on hot coals and not burn his feet?" The man who engages in an affair is like someone carrying fire in his chest. He may claim that the fire is his intense love for the other woman, but eventually, the fire will bring wounds, insults, and irredeemable shame to his marriage and family (Proverbs 6:32-33). Yet, despite all this, the foolish, unwise man continues to approach the wife of another (Proverbs 7:7-8). He keeps going toward her house (Proverbs 5:8), even in the darkness of the night (Proverbs 5:9). But the wise man does not approach another man’s wife. He avoids even going near her house. Instead, he keeps his distance.

I found another reason why the foolish man gets involved with another man’s wife in Proverbs 5:15-19. To summarize, the reason is that he does not love his own wife (Proverbs 5:15). More specifically, he fails to make his wife happy and does not enjoy his time with her (Proverbs 5:18). If he truly valued his wife, saw her as beautiful and precious, and always found satisfaction in her love and affection (Proverbs 5:19), he would never give his heart to another woman, nor would he have children with another woman (Proverbs 5:16, 20).

We must become wise men and women. We must love only our husbands or wives. We must make our spouses happy and enjoy our time with them. We must value them as beautiful and precious and always find satisfaction in their love. When we do this, we will not engage in extramarital affairs.