The Wise Person's Relationships

[Proverbs 3:27-35]

Are you maintaining good relationships with others? Take a moment to reflect. Think about the people you currently have good relationships with. Who comes to mind? Now, think about those with whom your relationship is not so good. Who are the people you think of? I remember that once a member of our church shared that they were finding it very difficult to maintain relationships with others in the church. Since then, I began writing occasionally on my personal Cyworld page about relationships. On December 1, 2010, I wrote a post titled "Accept One Another." After reading it again, I still resonate with the thought that there are indeed people around us who are difficult to accept in our relationships. People who make things hard for us, hurt our hearts, and cause us pain... How should we manage our relationships with them? The Bible teaches us to accept such people. How is this possible? I believe the answer is found in Romans 15:7: "Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God." As we realize that Christ accepted sinners like us, we can learn to accept those who sin against us. Ultimately, as we grow in our relationship with God and come to know Him more, we also come to know ourselves better. As we deeply realize the grace and love of God, who accepted a sinner like me through Jesus Christ, we can also learn to accept and love even our enemies.

In today’s passage, Proverbs 3:27-31, the writer, King Solomon, gives us five commands starting with "Do not" (verses 27, 28, 29, 30, 31). These five verses teach us how a wise person should build relationships. We can summarize these five verses into three groups (Walvoord). These three groups provide us with three principles for how we should form relationships. As we reflect on these three principles, may we receive God's teaching and apply it wisely in our lives to give glory to God.

The first principle for the wise person's relationships is that we should not hesitate to give to those who deserve it.

Let's look at Proverbs 3:27-28: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it,’ when you have it with you.” I once read an email sent by a deacon of our church, which mentioned that there are three things people generally regret when they are about to die. The first regret is "not having given more." Whether one is poor or rich, when death is near, people often think, "I could have lived more generously, I could have given more... Why didn’t I share more and live more generously? Why did I live so selfishly?" This is often the greatest regret (internet source). What do you think about this? Are you perhaps experiencing this kind of regret right now? In Korea, Dr. Jang Gi-ryeo, who was also called "the Schweitzer of Korea," devoted his entire life to serving the Lord and his neighbors. On Christmas Day, 1995, he passed away at the age of 85. At the time, the Korean media referred to him as "the living little Jesus" (internet source). As a doctor, he promised to serve those who would die without seeing a doctor, and his life was filled with care for the poor, the abandoned, and the neglected. From Pyongyang to Busan, poor patients could always meet him without any financial burden. He tried to operate Busan Gospel Hospital as a free medical facility, but when the influx of patients became too overwhelming, he had to switch to a paid model. Even then, he kept the back door open so that poor patients could leave without paying, which sometimes caused trouble for the hospital staff. In short, Dr. Jang Gi-ryeo lived a life of constant giving. What a beautiful life this is! Don’t you want to live like that?

In Proverbs 3:27-28, King Solomon tells us that if we have the power to do good, we should not hesitate to help those who are in need, especially those who truly deserve it and are in difficult circumstances. In other words, as those who have enough, it is our duty to help the poor and those who are in distress. Why is this the case? Because God has given us enough, and His purpose is for us to help others (Park Yoon-seon).

Therefore, we must realize the purpose for which God has given us abundance and help those in need as quickly as possible. In other words, if we have the ability to help, we should not say to someone in distress, “Go, and come back; I’ll give it to you tomorrow” (v. 28). Think about it: when someone in need comes to us asking for help, how urgent must their situation be? While we may have enough, the person in need does not. For this reason, King Solomon is encouraging us not to delay in offering help but to think from the perspective of those in distress and help them promptly.

I applied this lesson to the relationship between employer and employee. For example, from the perspective of a shop owner, if there is financial stability, the employer should think from the employee’s perspective and pay their wages—whether weekly or monthly—on time. Why? First, because the employee is, as stated in verse 27, "someone who deserves it." In fact, a literal translation of Proverbs 3:27 reads: "Do not withhold good from its owners" (Walvoord).

What does this mean? It means that the money the employer has, earned by the employee over the course of a week or month, no longer belongs to the employer; it belongs to the employee. Therefore, the employer must pay the employee what they have earned. Another reason is that while the employer may have financial abundance, the employee, who receives weekly wages, lives from week to week or, in the case of monthly wages, from month to month. Therefore, the employee is relying on receiving that wage, and the employer must pay on time.

If you are an employer, try thinking from the perspective of your employee. If an employee works hard for a week or a month and doesn’t receive the wages they deserve when it’s time, how would you respond? If you, as an employee, weren’t paid for what you rightfully earned and had to keep working without receiving your wages, would you continue working for that employer? If you are living week by week or month by month, and you know that your employer has the means to pay you but doesn’t, how would you feel?

That is why the Bible, in Deuteronomy 24:15, tells us: "Pay him his wages each day before sunset, because he is poor and is counting on it. Otherwise he may cry to the Lord against you, and you will be guilty of sin." Brothers and sisters, we should not hesitate to give to those who deserve it.

The Bible says, "Many seek the favor of the generous, and everyone is a friend to the one who gives gifts" (Proverbs 19:6). We should give to others with a generous heart, especially to those who truly deserve to receive. However, when reflecting on this verse, I cannot help but think that I am truly stingy when it comes to giving. And when I reflect on why I am so stingy, I come to realize that the root cause is my selfish heart. Furthermore, I recognize that the reason for my selfish heart is that I have not deeply and broadly understood and experienced God's grace and love. God’s grace and love should fill me, and His love should flow through me to my neighbors. But due to my selfish heart, I am hiding God’s glory with my stingy and small acts of giving. I asked for God's forgiveness during our Wednesday prayer meeting, acknowledging that my selfishness is preventing me from reflecting His love. I want to live a life of giving like Dr. Jang Gi-ryeo. I want to serve my neighbors who are marginalized, wounded, and in pain, with the heart of Christ. And I want to live a life of generosity, giving without hesitation, so that I can make eternal friends in the Lord by dedicating myself to that cause.

The second principle of wise relationships is that we should not harm others without reason.

Last Wednesday during our prayer meeting, we learned the first principle of how we should wisely build relationships, based on Proverbs 3:27-28, under the title "Wise Relationships (1)". The first principle is this: "We should not withhold from those who deserve to receive." Let's look again at Proverbs 3:27-28: "If you have the ability to do good, do not withhold it from those who deserve it; if you have something, do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go and come back tomorrow, and I will give it to you.’" Here, I would like to emphasize three important points: (1) We all have the ability to give, (2) We need to recognize those who deserve to receive, and (3) We should give generously and quickly.

After reflecting on these three points, God has helped me apply these lessons and given me understanding over the past week. Here are three examples. The first example concerns the point that we all have the power to give. Often, we think of giving in economic terms, but we can also give a word of comfort to our neighbors with God's love. Over the past week, God allowed me to receive emails and phone calls of comfort, and I realized that all of us have the ability to offer a warm word of comfort. Another example is in marriage relationships. I realized that a wife is someone who rightfully deserves love from her husband, and a husband is someone who rightfully deserves respect from his wife. I came to this realization after sharing a meditation from the previous Wednesday’s prayer meeting through email with several brothers and sisters, and receiving a response from one brother that led me to reflect on my own marriage.

The third and final example is about being quick. While there are many areas in relationships where patience is required, I have come to realize that sometimes, when it comes to giving love, we need to act quickly. In short, I have learned from Proverbs 15:23: “How good is a timely word!”

Look at today’s passage, Proverbs 3:29-30: "Do not plan evil against your neighbor who dwells trustfully beside you. Do not contend with a man for no reason, if he has done you no harm." In our relationships, misunderstandings often arise, and as a result, our relationships can deteriorate. One of the effects of such misunderstandings is the breaking of trust between individuals. When trust in a relationship is broken, we no longer open our hearts to one another and share our thoughts. Consequently, we can no longer develop a deep relationship. Another consequence is that as misunderstandings deepen, the breach of trust does not end there; we may become enemies, defaming and even conspiring against one another. That is why King Solomon advises: "Do not plan evil against your neighbor who dwells trustfully beside you" (Proverbs 3:29). Here, "dwells trustfully" refers to a neighbor who lives near us and gives us a sense of security and trust. The Bible teaches that we should not conspire against such trustworthy neighbors. Additionally, the Bible instructs us not to argue or criticize such trustworthy neighbors without cause, even if they have done us no harm (Proverbs 3:30).

When I meditated on this passage, I was reminded of what King Ahab did to his neighbor Naboth, who lived close to his palace, as described in 1 Kings 21. King Ahab of Samaria wanted to acquire Naboth’s vineyard, which was near his palace. He offered Naboth a better vineyard in exchange or money if Naboth would sell it (1 Kings 21:2), but Naboth refused. The reason for his refusal was that God had forbidden him to sell the inheritance of his ancestors (1 Kings 21:3). Despite Naboth living a trustworthy life in accordance with God’s will, Ahab’s wife, Queen Jezebel, ultimately conspired against Naboth and had him killed (1 Kings 21:8-13). Queen Jezebel, in aiding her husband, sought to fulfill his selfish desires by falsely accusing and killing Naboth, a righteous neighbor. How evil is this sin in the eyes of God? What do you think about the sin of King Ahab and Queen Jezebel, who killed the trustworthy neighbor Naboth and stole his vineyard? Did such evil only happen during King Ahab’s reign? Absolutely not. Such things still happen frequently today. Satan does not want us to live in relationships of trust with our neighbors. The reason is that Satan does not want us to follow Jesus’ commandment to love one another. Therefore, Satan works hard to break our relationships of trust with those who are close to us. One of the ways he does this is by deceiving a third party and using them to sow discord in our relationships. Satan puts lies in their hearts to create division between us and our neighbors, thus breaking our trust. So what should we do? Shouldn’t we continue to be truthful and faithful, trusting God completely?

Dear friends, we must be Christians who give a sense of trust to our neighbors. If we think a bit more broadly, we should be reliable people who inspire trust in all our relationships. To do this, we must be true Christians who live according to God's will (His word). We cannot just say that we go to church and, without any reason, misunderstand the people around us, causing harm to them by slandering and plotting against them. Especially, we must not say foolish words or act in ways that break the trust of our family members, friends, or coworkers—those who know we are Christians and trust us. We must be cautious and careful. Especially, we must recognize that in the process of loving our neighbors as ourselves, as commanded by Jesus, there are constant temptations from the devil, and we must remember that this is a spiritual battle. To win this spiritual battle, we must trust in God completely. And, by trusting in God, we must dedicate ourselves to trusting our neighbors. Even if those neighbors later misunderstand us, whisper behind our backs, and plot against us, we must continue to trust our neighbors because we trust in God. God will govern and guide our relationships. As believers in Jesus, I hope that we can all be people who inspire trust in our neighbors.

The third and final principle of the wise person’s relationships is that we should not envy the violent.

I believe that the most joyful, pleasant, and happy relationship among all human relationships is the marital relationship. At the same time, I also believe that the most sorrowful, painful, and unhappy relationship is the marital relationship. Therefore, a spouse can be the greatest comforter to the other, but also the greatest discourager. So, how should we manage our marital relationships? How can we have a marriage that glorifies God? As I meditate on Proverbs 3:27-31 under the title “The Relationships of the Wise (3),” I wish to apply the third principle, along with the two previous principles, to the marital relationship and receive the lesson that God is teaching us. I hope that all of us in marriage may build relationships centered on the Lord, obeying His Word, and thereby glorifying God.

(1) We should not withhold from those who deserve to receive.

Let us look again at Proverbs 3:27-28: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you,’ when you already have it with you.” I have already applied this teaching to the relationship between employer and employee. Today, I want to apply this teaching to the marital relationship. Husbands should not withhold love from their wives, who are the ones most deserving of love. In particular, husbands should abandon the thought that, because their wives are the closest to them, they should love others more than their wives. How can we say that we love other people when we do not even love our own wives properly? Another excuse many of us might use is thinking that our wives should respect us before we can love them. However, the Bible in Ephesians 5:25 clearly teaches that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. It is not that our wives do something worthy of love for us to love them, but that we must love them just as Christ loved the church. Our wives are the ones who rightfully deserve our love. Therefore, husbands should know that their wives are worthy of love and should not withhold it.

So, what should wives do for their husbands? They should respect them. Wives should give their husbands the respect they deserve. Of course, wives may argue that they cannot respect their husbands because their husbands do not behave in ways deserving of respect. However, in Ephesians 5:24, the Bible says that the church submits to Christ, and similarly, wives should submit to and respect their husbands in everything. Therefore, Christian wives must respect and submit to their husbands as they would to the Lord.

(2) We should not harm others without reason.

Let us look again at Proverbs 3:29-30: “Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you. Do not accuse anyone for no reason, when they have done you no harm.” The closest neighbor who gives us trust in our lives is our husband or wife in a marital relationship. The problem, however, is that in marriage, instead of building trust, the devil seeks to destroy it by planting doubt and distrust in our hearts. Because of this, husbands and wives often argue and fight over even the smallest things. The start of all of this is because we misunderstand each other over these small matters. And while we misunderstand one another, we often do not know how to talk through those misunderstandings. As a result, trust between us breaks down, and we no longer open our hearts to each other or share our feelings. Therefore, we can no longer form a deeper relationship. But the problem does not stop there. When misunderstandings build up in our hearts, they grow into discontent, complaints, and distrust. As a result, even the smallest things can build up into anger, causing us to have huge arguments. Ultimately, what starts as a marital relationship can end up as an enemy relationship. So, what should we do? What should husbands do for their wives, and what should wives do for their husbands? We should not accuse and argue with one another without reason (v. 30). Moreover, we should not become a couple that harms each other without reason, plotting and slandering one another. Rather, we should become the closest neighbors who give each other trust. To do this, we must live according to the will of the Lord, who is the master of our marriage, and live honestly. When we do this, the wife will be able to trust her husband, and the husband will be able to trust his wife. Even if things are not ideal, we must commit to trusting one another because we trust the Lord.

(3) We should not envy the violent.

Now, let us look at Proverbs 3:31: “Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways.” As we live in this evil world, there are times when we envy the prosperity of the violent, the sinners, or the wicked (Proverbs 23:17; 24:1, 19). As a result, we might stumble by envying the prosperity of the wicked (Psalm 73:1). We might wonder how it is that we, who believe in Jesus, suffer, while the violent, sinners, and the wicked prosper. When we ask this question, we might easily stumble and follow the ways of the wicked, sinning against God. However, in today’s passage, Proverbs 3:31, King Solomon tells us not to envy the violent nor follow any of their ways. Why should we not envy the violent or follow their ways? What is the reason? In Proverbs 3:32-35, the Bible provides four reasons (according to Walvoord), and I want to reflect on these reasons and apply them to our marital relationships.

(a) Because God hates the perverse.

Let us look at Proverbs 3:32: “For the perverse is an abomination to the Lord, but His secret counsel is with the upright.” The first reason we should not envy the violent or follow their ways is because God hates them. Is there really any excuse for us to justify envy towards them? It is a simple, clear, and straightforward reason. Since God hates them, we should not envy the violent or follow their ways. Rather, we should be upright. Why? Because God loves the upright. And only the upright can have deep communion with God.

We are facing a crisis of honesty. Not just in our relationships with others, but even in our most intimate relationship, which is our marriage, where we are supposed to be one in the Lord. The cause of this crisis is that, instead of relating to each other with honesty, we are responding with a rebellious heart, influenced by the envy of the perverse. As a result, we not only lack deep communion with the Lord, but also fail to share a deep relationship with our spouse. This is not the kind of relationship God desires for us. The relationship God desires for us is one in which we have deep fellowship in the Lord. To achieve this, we must abandon rebellion and choose honesty. In other words, husbands should be honest with their wives just as they are honest with the Lord. And wives should be honest with their husbands in the same way. Only then can we share deep fellowship in the Lord.

(b) Because God curses the wicked.

Look at the main passage today, Proverbs 3:33: "The curse of the Lord is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the righteous." In the book of Proverbs, King Solomon repeatedly advises us not to envy the prosperity of the wicked (Prov. 23:17; 24:1, 19). Why is that? The reason is that God has cursed the house of the wicked (3:33). Although, from a human perspective, the wicked seem to be eating well, living well, and prospering in this world, the Bible tells us that their ultimate end is destruction and ruin (Psalm 73:18-19). However, the Bible also tells us that God blesses the righteous (Prov. 3:33). Therefore, as those who have been declared righteous by faith in Jesus Christ, we should not envy the prosperity of the wicked, but instead rejoice in the suffering of the righteous. Why? Because our Lord Jesus also suffered. And suffering with Jesus is a gift of grace from God (Phil. 1:29).

We do not like suffering. What couple would enjoy seeing their spouse suffer? Therefore, there are times when we envy the prosperity of the wicked. However, today the Bible clearly tells us that God not only hates the wicked, but also curses them. But the Bible also tells us that God loves the honest and blesses the righteous. Therefore, as couples, rather than envying the prosperity of a thousand wicked people, we should choose to participate in the suffering of one righteous person. Why? Because as a couple, becoming one body and sharing in the Lord’s suffering is a grace (v. 29). If we, as a couple, live as one body, walking in the life of the righteous and suffering for the Lord, God will bless us.

(c) Because God mocks the proud.

Now, look at Proverbs 3:34: "Surely He scoffs at the scoffers, but He gives grace to the humble." As we already meditated in Proverbs 1:26, when we reject God's rebuke (v. 24) and despise His teachings, refusing to accept His correction (v. 25), we will face disaster (v. 26), and when fear strikes us, God will mock us (v. 26). In the same way, when we are proud and refuse to listen to God's correction, instead despising it, God mocks us. In today’s passage, King Solomon says the same thing in Proverbs 3:34: God mocks the proud. The Bible teaches that God mocks those who, in their pride, reject God's rebuke, despise it, and seek their own glory instead of God’s glory. Therefore, we should never be proud. Instead, we must be humble. Why? Because God gives grace to the humble.

As couples, we must be on guard against pride. Satan places pride in our hearts, causing us to become selfish individuals who, instead of humbling serving each other, demand love or respect from our spouses as if we are above them. We must fight against this temptation from the devil. To win this spiritual battle, as couples, we must look to Jesus, who humbled Himself by obeying God the Father’s will even unto death on the cross (Phil. 2:5-8). Therefore, as couples, we must consider each other better than ourselves (v. 3). We should not only look to our own interests, but also look to the interests of our spouses (v. 4). When we do this, the Lord, who is our joy, will fill our hearts with joy (v. 4).

(d) Because God will shame the foolish.

Let’s look at today’s main passage, Proverbs 3:35: “The wise will inherit honor, but fools will experience disgrace.” Violent people, the wicked, sin but do not feel shame. The reason is that their consciences have become numb and their faces are shameless. The problem is that we Christians, who continue to commit the same sins, are becoming increasingly unaware of our own shame. Recently, I read an article from a Christian news source where a pastor, who had been working with a more senior pastor in a large Christian organization, exposed the senior pastor's fraudulent election practices, presenting a tape recording as evidence. I was at a loss for words after reading it. However, what left me speechless was the image of the pastor exposing the wrongdoing, sitting in a chair holding the recording device as evidence. There was no sign of humility or shame. The foolish person, though committing sin against God, does not even recognize it as sin, and after committing shameful acts, feels no remorse. We must not be like this. As Christians, we should know what it means to feel shame. We should not become foolish Christians who, after sinning, fail to feel any sense of shame. Instead, we must all become wise Christians. When God rebukes us, we must humbly accept His correction as wise people. And when God exposes our sins, we should feel some sense of shame. Therefore, we must repent of our sins and return to God, so that we may receive glory as our inheritance.

As husbands and wives, we should be people who can feel shame before God and our children. If we do not love each other, if we hate each other, if we do not respect each other, and if we disobey each other, yet do not feel shame in the presence of God and our children, this is truly shameful. We must be ashamed. Especially, if we show our children fighting and arguing without feeling any shame, it is a clear sign that our consciences have been deadened and our faces have become shameless. We must realize this and humbly come before God the Father, confess our sins, and repent. The wise person, when the Holy Spirit convicts us through God’s Word, hears that rebuke and, obeying the Holy Spirit, comes to God the Father to repent of their sins. In doing so, we will receive glory as our inheritance from God.

I want to conclude this meditation on the Word. Under the title “The Relationships of the Wise” (1)~(3), we learned three principles for relationships from Proverbs 3:27-25. First, we should not withhold from giving to those who deserve it; second, we should not harm others without cause; and third, we should not envy the violent. The reason we should not envy the violent is because God hates the wicked, curses them, mocks the proud, and will shame the foolish. Instead, we should be honest people whom God loves and righteous people whom God blesses. We should also be humble people who receive grace from God and wise people who inherit glory from Him. Today, I applied these three principles to our marital relationships. The reason I did this is that many couples around us are suffering due to marital conflict. Couples argue and fight, hurting each other’s hearts with sharp words, and sometimes they speak in anger without hesitation. Couples are often dishonest with each other, envy the prosperity of the wicked, and, instead of humbly serving each other, try to control each other in pride. Moreover, couples often ignore the Lord’s rebukes and refuse to listen to their spouse’s loving correction. What should we, as couples, do? We must give each other the love and respect that we deserve, without holding back. Husbands should receive respect from their wives, and wives should receive love from their husbands. Additionally, we must be trustworthy people for each other. We must also be honest with one another. Moreover, instead of envying the prosperity of the wicked, we should share in the suffering of the righteous. We must consider our spouse as better than ourselves and serve each other in humility. Furthermore, we must become wise couples. Therefore, let us all be dedicated to building a Christ-centered marriage, so that in this era where divorce rates are soaring, couples who believe in Jesus can show how different they are, revealing the fragrance of Christ’s love.