The Greatest Joy

“If I do not remember you, if I do not consider Jerusalem my highest joy, let my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth” (Psalm 137:6).

I have recently taken Henry Nouwen’s book in my hands again and started reading it. As I was reading, there was one word that stood out to me. That word is "Self-rejection." The reason this word stood out is perhaps because I had lived my life of faith confusing "self-denial" with "self-rejection." Many times, I experienced the brokenness of my soul due to self-rejection. I mistakenly thought this was humility, and as I lived a life of rejecting myself, I failed to live the full life that the Lord desires. Because of this, I could not ignore this word any longer.

To reject oneself is essentially to not know how to love oneself with the love of the Lord. Too often, it seems that we tend to view loving ourselves with the love of the Lord as sinful. We know very well about loving God and loving our neighbors, but for some reason, the idea of loving ourselves with the Lord’s love seems to us like something quite selfish. Because of this, our ego is not healthy but rather sick.

I once saw a book titled "The Christian's Self-Love." However, it seems such books are not very popular among us. As a result, we have not learned how to love ourselves with the Lord’s love. And so, we are trying to love God and our neighbors as "deformed ego beings." How can we love God and our neighbors with an unhealthy ego? How could this be possible? Perhaps it is the power of hypocrisy?

So many of us Christians are suffering from guilt. We are sick with various kinds of guilt, from the guilt of living hypocritically to many other kinds. Furthermore, we commit the sin of abusing ourselves, thinking it is humility, and we continue to live in this deception in our faith. I wonder how pitiful we must look in the eyes of God. I have a strong doubt: Is this the life that pleases God for His children?

The challenge I receive today from Psalm 137:6 is that the psalmist confesses he rejoices in the Lord more than in his greatest joy. How could he make such a confession? I believe it is because he had a healthy ego. In other words, the psalmist knew that God considered him "God's chief joy," and because of that, in his life, God the Father was more joyful than anything else in this world. I am reminded of a gospel hymn that says God cannot contain His joy toward us. The person who can consider God as more joyful than the greatest joy of this world is one who knows that God cannot contain His joy toward them. The person who is full of that joy and love knows how to love themselves with the Lord’s love and, through that, loves God and their neighbors with a healthy ego.

With a grateful heart for God’s grace, who loves a sinner like me and considers me His greatest joy,

Pastor James Kim’s Sharing
(Praying earnestly to love the Lord, who is greater than any joy in this world, more and more)