James’s Song: Praise Sung in the Wilderness

“Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You” (Psalm 63:3).

I sincerely welcome everyone who has come tonight for this praise night.
Our church’s Korean ministry worship team has prepared this ‘Praise Night’ so that we can have a time together to wholeheartedly praise God, and I am very glad for that.

When I think of the beloved brothers and sisters who prepared this night of praise, I want to say that today’s praise is a “praise sung in the wilderness.”
Of course, from our point of view, they are not literally living in a wilderness now. They live right in the middle of the city.
But somehow, when I look at their hearts, I see them making efforts to offer praise to God because of Jesus’ love, which is a true oasis even in a dry, desert-like place. That is why I think of this as praise sung in the wilderness.

This praise sung in the wilderness is like David in Psalm 63:3, our scripture for today, who in the midst of distress and persecution made the wilderness his sanctuary (place of worship) and praised the Lord because of His lovingkindness.
Likewise, the beloved brothers and sisters who prepared this praise tonight are praising God because of the Lord’s love.

Personally, thinking about this praise night, I took some time to reflect on my own life.
And I divided my life into six praises:

I am what people in Soyi Church call a “born-in-the-faith believer.”
I was born into a family that believes in Jesus.
In fact, I was born into a pastor’s family, so I guess I went to church even from my mother’s womb.
I still remember spending my childhood at a place called “Sanghyeon Church” in Sangye-dong, Korea.
While attending the church where my father served, one praise song I remember now is called “You Can’t Go with Money.”
It has three verses, but I only really remember the first verse:
(Verse 1) “You can’t go to God’s kingdom with money, nor can you go with strength, to God’s kingdom,”
(Chorus) “If you are born again, you go to God’s kingdom, you go to God’s kingdom by faith.”
Thinking about it now, I don’t know why this song stands out to me more than many other praise songs I sang as a child in church.
Maybe it’s because the word “money” is the very first word in the first verse. Haha.

I remember when I was 12 years old by Korean age, I graduated from elementary school and immigrated to the United States with my parents, living in Koreatown. At that time, I didn’t even know the alphabet, and when I entered elementary school again in the U.S., I had to take a test, so I memorized 20 words while crying.
Entering puberty, perhaps because I came to America, I was slow to adapt to American life, and I struggled to overcome cultural and language differences. It was a bit hard for me. Because of that, I started to like hanging out with Korean friends.
Then, when I entered high school, I experienced the rebellious phase that Soyi talks about while spending time with friends. However, since I was a pastor’s child, I think I never missed Sunday church services.

During that time, I read books by Kim Hyung-seok and Kim Dong-gil. As I read those books, I became a little philosopher, endlessly asking myself questions like “What is the purpose of life?” and “How can I truly enjoy happiness in life?” I wandered searching for that happiness and purpose in the world.
That was probably a dark period of my life because looking back now, I don’t remember the worship songs I used to sing then.

Then, when I entered university, during my first year there was a college retreat held right here. I probably reluctantly attended because I was a pastor’s son. But on the second or last evening of the retreat, the pastor speaker told the story from John chapter 6 about Jesus feeding 5,000 men with two fish and five loaves of bread.
As I heard that story, something unimaginable happened to me. My heart was warmed, and the pastor said, “If you want to offer your life to Jesus like the boy who offered two fish and five loaves in the Bible, please come forward.” And I was walking forward.
I remember kneeling here and crying bitterly. I don’t really know why I cried so much. Somehow, meeting Jesus not just with my head but with my heart made me cry continuously.
I thought of all the sins I had deliberately committed knowing better, and I just wanted to ask God for forgiveness (tears of repentance).
And I was simply thankful. Thankful that He called someone like me, who was just like two fish and five loaves, and said He would use me (tears of gratitude).
Then the Holy Spirit worked in my heart and led me to dedicate my life to the Lord (tears of consecration).

At that moment, I decided I wanted to become a pastor and started preparing to go to seminary.
Before that, my goal in college was “money,” but after that retreat, my goal became “Jesus” and “the glory of God.”

Since then, the worship song I have loved to sing is called “My Life, My All,” or in English, “I Offer My Life”:

(Verse 1)
“My appearance, my possessions, I give all before the Lord.
All my pain, all my joy, receive all my tears.”

(Verse 2)
“Yesterday’s things and tomorrow’s too, my dreams and hopes, all I give.
All my hopes and plans, receive my hands and heart.”

(Chorus)
“I give my life, please use it for Your glory.
While I live, I will praise You and be an offering of joy.
Take me, take me.”

This hymn has been, since that time until now, and will be until the day I die, a deeply engraved hymn in my heart. After that, I taught myself how to play the guitar. The reason is that every weekend I would come up from university to Los Angeles to meet friends, but after meeting Jesus and dedicating my life to Him, I could no longer spend weekends hanging out with friends drinking, smoking, partying, and having fun.

Before, even though I felt guilty in my conscience, I ignored it and continued to live wandering in sin, but I no longer wanted to do that. So every weekend, before sleeping, I would spread a sleeping bag on the church table and look up at the night sky outside the church, thinking about where my friends might be, and in that loneliness, I began to teach myself guitar.

I remember that in the back of a gospel songbook there was a picture showing how to hold guitar chords, so I started learning chords like D, G, and A by looking at it. The first hymn I started playing and singing by myself was “Good God” (좋으신 하나님). That song was the simplest in terms of guitar chords. Haha. “Good God, good God, truly my good God.”

After believing in Jesus, during my university life, God gave me the desire to serve in the Christian club, so I served brothers and sisters as a Personal Manager. Being a Personal Manager was nothing special; at that time I carried a beeper, and when I got a message, I would call the person and, since they had no car, I would take them here and there and bring them back. Haha. I would take them to the market, to church for prayer, and then bring them back to the dormitory, haha.

While taking care of people, I developed romantic feelings for some sisters, but I suppressed those feelings to serve, which was very difficult. I thought I was the only one struggling, but later after graduation, I found out there were sisters who secretly liked me too. Haha.

While studying psychology and serving the sisters, I deeply learned the words “suppression” and “rejection.” Haha. I learned this English hymn many times after being rejected by sisters. It was a song by Benny Hester called “Nobody knows me like You” (God, no one knows me like You). I still remember it.

I got courage and said something to a sister who had romantic feelings for me, but I got hurt by her words. During final exams, I stopped studying, drove alone to the beach, opened the car window, and played that song loudly, singing it out loud—haha. At that time, the chorus of this hymn comforted me a lot:

“Nobody knows me like You
You put Your arms around me
You bring me through
And there’s many times I don’t know what to do
Though some know me well
Still nobody knows me like You
All of my secrets to You I tell
You saw each time that I slipped and fell
And all of my faults yes, You know them well
But You’ve never turned me away, no, no, no.”

After graduating from university and seminary, when I was a licensed pastor, God allowed me to meet my wife.
The hymn that I still remember and hold dear in my heart is hymn number 492, “My Eternal Inheritance,” which we sang at our wedding.

(Verse 1)
My eternal inheritance is more precious than life itself;
Walk with me until I finish my journey.
I come closer to the Lord, I come closer to the Lord;
Walk with me until I finish my journey.

(Verse 2)
Forsaking the riches, comforts, and all the honors of this world,
Walk with me along the difficult path.
I come closer to the Lord, I come closer to the Lord;
Walk with me until I finish my journey.

(Verse 3)
Passing through dark valleys and crossing rough seas,
Walk with me until I reach the gates of heaven.
I come closer to the Lord, I come closer to the Lord;
Walk with me until I finish my journey. Amen.

At that time, as we offered this hymn to God, my wife and I couldn’t help but shed tears.

Also, a hymn my wife and I will never forget is the one we sang after our first baby died, after we cremated and scattered the ashes, as we returned and sang to God. This hymn is “My Savior’s Love for Me” or “I Stand Amazed,” an English hymn:

(Verse 1)
I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.

(Verse 2)
For me it was in the garden He prayed:
“Not My will, but Thine.”
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat drops of blood for mine.

(Verse 3)
In pity angels beheld Him,
And came from the world of light
To comfort Him in the sorrows
He bore for my soul that night.

(Verse 4)
He took my sins and my sorrows,
He made them His very own;
He bore the burden to Calvary,
And suffered and died alone.

(Verse 5)
When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
’Twill be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me.

(Chorus)
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!

I believe in the power of praise. One example of this power is when Paul and Silas, servants of God, prayed and praised God in prison (Acts 16:25), and suddenly a great earthquake shook the prison, the doors opened, and everyone’s chains were loosed (verse 26).

Tonight, I pray that the praises of beloved brothers and sisters open wide the doors of our hearts, and that all the chains that bind us in this world be broken by this miraculous power.

Just as the jailer who guarded Paul and Silas thought the prisoners had escaped and was about to kill himself (verse 27), but then came to faith in the Lord Jesus through Paul and rejoiced greatly with his entire family (verses 31–34), I fervently pray that tonight, through the praises sung in the wilderness, a wonderful work of salvation will take place.

Wishing to praise God until my last breath,

Pastor James Kim