"Put My Tears in Your Bottle"

"Jesus knows my sorrow. Put my tears in Your bottle..." (Psalm 56:8a).

In the illness of my heart, there are quiet tears. These are tears I will never forget in my life. I still vividly remember those tears I shed. They are tears that hold such precious meaning to me. The tear that is most deeply etched in my heart is the first tear of my baby, Ju-Young. When she, for the first and last time, rested peacefully in my arms, a single tear formed at the corner of her right eye. Every time I celebrate the Lord's Supper, I intentionally think of that baby, who had countless needle marks during her 55 days in the intensive care unit. Every time, that tear of the baby touches my heart deeply.

The second tear etched deeply in my heart is the tear of my beloved wife. I remember when our Ju-Young was in the hospital's intensive care unit, her heart was weak, and her circulation was failing, causing her body to turn completely blue and making her condition critical. I remember my wife crying uncontrollably from a distance as she looked at our baby. At that moment, I had never seen my wife look so beautiful. Another unforgettable tear of my wife was after we cremated Ju-Young. When we took the small box with her ashes and sailed in a little boat, suddenly, as she looked at me from behind the boat, she said "Titanic" while shedding tears. Even in the midst of that sorrow, I will never forget my wife making a joke (?).

Another tear that is in my heart is the tear of my grandfather. On the Sunday morning before he passed away in the hospital, after I had prayed, when I opened my eyes, I saw a tear falling from the corner of his right eye. He was on an oxygen mask, so he could not speak, but I will never forget that tear. I also will never forget the tear of my grandmother. When my wife and I visited my grandmother in the hospital, she suddenly began to cry. I asked her, “Grandmother, are you crying because you are afraid of death?” and she replied that she was crying because she was so thankful to God. When I asked her what she was so thankful for, she said that she was thankful because God had raised up several servants of the Lord from our family. I will always remember that answer. And those tears of gratitude that she shed are also stored in the illness of my heart.

Until now, throughout my life of faith, I had only thought about the tears that have accumulated in the illness of my heart. However, last night, while reading the Scripture for the early morning prayer service today, my gaze stopped at Psalm 56:8. The reason is that I saw how the psalmist, David, pleaded with God, saying, "You have kept track of all my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle" (Modern Translation).

I must have read this verse many times before, but up until last night, I had overlooked it. Then, during the early morning prayer service today, as I proclaimed the Word centered around Psalm 56:4, I became more focused on verse 8 and began to meditate on it, writing down these thoughts.

Now, my focus is shifting from the tears accumulated in the illness of my heart to the tears of my loved ones stored in the Lord's bottle. In fact, I believe the tears of my loved ones that are in the illness of my heart have already been placed in the Lord's bottle. I want to offer all those tears to the Lord, who loves them much more than I do and who knows their tears better than anyone.

How could I possibly understand the meaning of the tears that my first baby, Ju-Young, shed, or the tears my wife shed, or the tears my grandfather and grandmother shed? However, the omniscient God knows and understands fully the meaning of all the tears they shed. Therefore, I pray that the Lord will take all the tears in the illness of my heart and place them in His bottle.

In this context, I also pray that the Lord will place in His bottle the three tears I shed during the college retreat of Victory Presbyterian Church in May 1987: the tears of repentance, the tears of dedication, and the tears of gratitude. Even now and in the future, I pray that I will continue to shed these three tears. Therefore, I desire to fill the Lord's bottle with these tears.