"Make me aware of my weakness"
[Psalm 39]
A colleague pastor wrote in the guestbook of my Cyworld homepage, “My condolences to James Kim.” The reason is that my name is also James Kim, and the deceased person’s name was James Kim as well. I was deeply saddened when I read the article title through my colleague pastor, “James Kim found dead after heavy snowstorm.” A Korean man, James Kim, who was traveling with his family, went missing after taking the wrong path during a snowstorm. Twelve days after the incident, his body was finally found. The news of the death of James Kim, who had left his wife and two children (aged 4 years and 7 months) in the car to seek help to save them, moved many people around the world. After hearing this news, I began to think about my own death. In other words, I reflected on my own end. If I knew my own end and how much longer I could live, how would I live the rest of my life?
In today’s Bible passage, Psalm 39:4, we see that David was in distress. We can identify two main causes of his suffering in this passage: (1) The first cause of his suffering was “the wicked” or “the foolish” (verses 1 and 8), and (2) the second cause was “disease” (verses 10, 11, 13). In the midst of this suffering, David prayed to God, saying, “Lord, make me know my end, and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is” (v. 4). In other words, David, in the midst of his suffering, prayed to God for a clear understanding of his own end and the remaining time (“duration”) of his life, so that he could become aware of his own weakness. David prayed for God to help him realize how short his life was when he was suffering due to the wicked and disease (Park Yunseon). David wanted to experience, in the midst of his suffering, how quickly and fleetingly life passes. Today, based on Psalm 39:4, under the title “Make me aware of my weakness,” I would like to share three lessons for believers in the midst of suffering: we must realize that life passes quickly and that the duration of each of our lives is short. The realization of this truth should lead us to think about how we should live each day.
First, in the midst of suffering, we must realize that life is fleeting and that our time is short. With this realization, we should be cautious with our words and actions.
Look at Psalm 39:1: 'I said, 'I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth with a muzzle, so long as the wicked are in my presence.'"
As human beings, we often find ourselves regretting our actions later, thinking, "Why did I act like that? Why did I say those things?" In other words, the words we have already spoken, words that we can never take back, are of no use to regret later. The same goes for actions. Often, in our haste, we act impulsively, only to regret our actions later. Therefore, we must make it a habit to think before we speak and think before we act. In other words, we must be careful in our words and actions.
While browsing the internet, I came across an article titled "The Attitude of an Evangelist," which contained the following statement: "An evangelist does not go into the field as an individual, but represents the 'church' and 'the Lord,' so they must go with the responsibility of being a delegate (representative) of the Lord. ... As an ambassador representing the church and the Lord, an evangelist must have a sense of mission, and their attitude and behavior should be careful and worthy of praise." (Internet) Just as this article explains, as evangelists, we must have a careful attitude and words that are worthy of praise.
So, why did David, in his suffering, carefully guard his words and actions? The reason is that David did not want to commit the sin of blaming God in the face of unbearable adversity. (Park Yunseon) When meditating on Psalm 38:12-22, we learned that sometimes we need to be like the deaf and mute, not listening to or speaking in response to the wicked. When facing suffering from the wicked, instead of defending ourselves with words, we are challenged to open our ears to God, listen to His voice, and open our mouths to pray. In today's passage, David also remained silent before the wicked. Why did he do this? He did so because he did not want to sin with his lips by blaming God. In other words, while suffering, he did not want to sin by complaining against God with his words. How wise this decision was! When we are suffering and feeling bitterness or complaints in our hearts towards God, we need to remain silent. Similarly, when we have complaints and grievances towards the Church or its leaders, we also need to remain silent. If we do not, our thoughtless words and actions could lead us to sin against God.
However, it seems that our human nature often does not allow us to stay silent. If we're not talking, our mouths seem to itch, and it seems like we feel a need to speak in order to feel satisfied. James addresses this issue in James 3:8-10: "But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so."
Therefore, David, in Psalm 39:1, says, "I will put a muzzle on my mouth." The reason David remained silent despite hearing the wicked's insults, and despite experiencing God's judgment (Psalm 39:8-9), was because he understood that, to some extent, he deserved the punishment. (Park Yunseon) David was, of course, suffering because of the wicked, but he was also suffering from the disease that was a result of God's judgment for his sin (Park Yunseon). Therefore, David, knowing that his suffering was due to God's discipline for his sin, chose not to open his mouth and sin by blaming God, but rather remained silent before the Lord.
How should we live? In our weakness, especially in times of suffering, we must be cautious with our words and actions. We should not act recklessly, nor open our mouths to complain about God or others. We must be more careful. Therefore, in the fleeting time that passes quickly, we must live rightly before God.
Secondly, in recognizing the fleeting nature of life, realizing that each of our lives is short, we must meditate.
Look at Psalm 39:3: “My heart was hot within me, while I was musing, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue.”
If we truly feel that time is passing quickly, we should take some time to stop and meditate in the midst of our busy lives. We should not let ourselves be swept along with the “fast pace” of life. Even if people around us say that we seem slower, we must take a moment to reflect on life. This week, I read a missionary letter from a missionary we support in Central Asia, and it included this prayer request: “Please pray that I can slow down and love the people God brings into my life, including my wife and children.” This prayer request was inspired by a statement from the author John Ortberg, in a book the missionary is reading: “The most serious sign of the disease of hurry is the diminishing ability to love. ... Love and hurry are fundamentally incompatible. Love always takes time. But for a person in a hurry, time does not exist.”
In this fast-flowing world, we need to slow down. We should not rush; we should walk slowly. In the rushing passage of time, we need to stop, reflect, and meditate before God, looking back at our lives.
David, in the midst of his suffering, was careful with his words and actions and meditated on life before God. In his meditation, he drew four conclusions, which he expresses in the passage today:
1. The first conclusion of meditation is that life is short.
David poetically expresses this reality in the first part of verse 5: “You have made my days a mere handbreadth; my life is as nothing before you...” From a human perspective, life is “as a handbreadth,” and from God's perspective, it seems “as nothing.” This poetic expression reflects that our human lives are very short. (Park Yunseon)
2. The second conclusion of meditation is that life is vanity (nothing).
Our lives are fleeting. Look at the second part of verse 5: “…every man at his best state is altogether vanity.” The word “vanity” in Hebrew means “breath” or “vapor.” (Park Yunseon) In verse 11 of this passage, David also confesses, “Surely every man is vanity.” The apostle James comes to a similar conclusion in James 4:14: “Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” David says that our life is like a shadow (Psalm 39:6).
3. The third conclusion of meditation is that people live busy with vain things.
Look at the second part of verse 6: “…they heap up riches, and do not know who will gather them.” In James, we see similar people among the recipients of his letter: “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit.’” (James 4:13).
4. The final, fourth conclusion of David’s meditation is: “My hope is in the Lord.”
Look at verse 7: “And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You.” David, in the midst of his suffering, meditates quietly and deeply realizes the vanity of life, sighing and finally placing his hope in God. Just like David, we need to meditate and deeply realize the emptiness of this world. Furthermore, when we see how fleeting our lives are, passing through this world for a brief moment, we must come to understand the vanity of living for fleeting things. When we come to this realization, we will be able to sincerely confess, like David, “My hope is in the Lord.”
Thirdly, in the midst of suffering, we must pray while realizing that life swiftly passes by and that the duration of each one of our lives is short.
Look at Psalm 39:12 in the Bible: “Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; do not be silent at my tears, for I am a stranger with You, a sojourner, as all my fathers were.” David understood that his suffering was a consequence of his own sins. Whether the suffering came from the wicked or from illness, he humbly accepted it. Therefore, he was cautious with his words and actions, wishing to avoid sinning further before God. Like David, when we are in suffering, we must be able to recognize our own sins and how they have led us to this suffering. If we do not, we may begin to complain and blame God for the suffering we are enduring. This is why David said, "I will put a muzzle on my mouth" (v. 1). However, when David kept silent, his distress grew even more intense (v. 2).
Why did David’s distress increase? Why was he more troubled when he remained silent? The reason is that he wanted to express his painful and unjust heart ("distress") before God (Park Yun-seon). In other words, the reason David was troubled when he kept silent was because not being able to open his mouth to pray to God made his suffering even worse. Personally, I think that the reason David felt anguish when he was silent was because he could not pour out his unjust heart before God, but another possible reason is that his heart became troubled because he had not confessed his own sins before God.
Now, look at verses 8 and 9 in today's passage: “Deliver me from all my transgressions; do not make me the reproach of the foolish. I was mute, I did not open my mouth, because You did it.” Here, David acknowledges that the cause of his suffering was entirely due to his own sins and that receiving forgiveness from God was the key to solving the problem. Therefore, he prayed for the forgiveness of his sins: “Forgive me, Lord, that I may recover my health before I go and am no more” (v. 13). David, after praying for forgiveness, no longer remained silent before God. Instead, in his tears, he pleaded with God, asking that He not be silent while David wept: “Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; do not be silent at my tears, for I am a stranger with You, a sojourner, as all my fathers were” (v. 12).
Time flows like water, constantly and rapidly. Our life is not as long as we may think. In fact, the Bible teaches us that our life is short. In this world, which we only briefly pass through, we should not be busy with vain things. Rather, we must place our hope in the Lord and strive to live a life of obedience to His Word. Today's message from God teaches us that in the midst of suffering, we must be cautious with our words and actions, meditate, and pray. Recognizing and accepting our frailty, may we live a life of caution in our words and actions, reflection, and prayer until the day and moment when the Lord calls us: “Make me know my end, and what is the measure of my days, that I may know how frail I am” (v. 4).
Towards the higher place,
Pastor James Kim
(Reflecting on the news of "James Kim’s" death as if it were my own.)