Human Relationships

"My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my affliction, and my relatives stand far off" (Psalm 38:11).

Why are the people we love distancing themselves from us? The reason is that we have distanced ourselves from God. Currently, I am reading a book by Eugene Peterson titled "David: Spirituality Rooted in Reality". In the book, there is a chapter titled "David and Absalom," and as I read that section, the Lord granted me a valuable revelation. One of the lessons is that when David did not truly forgive his son Absalom, even though he brought him back to the palace, David refused to see him (2 Samuel 14:24, 28). In other words, because David did not truly forgive Absalom for killing Amnon, even though he allowed him to return to the city, he neither met him nor allowed him to come to him. In short, David distanced himself from Absalom. The son who wanted to be accepted, who sought personal forgiveness, who longed for his father’s embrace—David refused to truly accept him, forgave him in an impersonal way, and rejected him instead of embracing him. How tragic is the relationship between this father and son?

However, this is not just the problem of the father-son relationship between David and Absalom in the Bible. Look at our marital relationships. Look at our relationships between parents and children, and between mothers and daughters. Even just looking at these relationships, how many family ties are increasingly growing distant, just as David distanced himself from Absalom? What is the problem? The Bible calls it sin. The sin of not forgiving, the sin of rejecting forgiveness—this is the sin that causes us to be distant from God, and it is the cause of the problems in our human relationships. Because of this sin, we have no peace in our hearts (Psalm 38:3), and we are left dragging the heavy burdens of our hearts (v. 4). Moreover, the "stench" of this sin (v. 5) eventually causes "my loved ones and my friends" to distance themselves from me (v. 11).

So, how can we restore our human relationships, such as between spouses, parents and children, mothers and daughters, etc.? We need to pray to God just as the psalmist David did: "Do not forsake me, O Lord; O my God, do not be far from me" (v. 21). In the end, David was rejected by Absalom. Absalom reached the point where he even sought to kill his own father, David. At that time, as David fled to the wilderness, three things were restored in his life: humility, prayer, and tenderness (Peterson). In short, David, in the midst of suffering in the wilderness, regained his true self ("the David-ness"). When David humbly prayed to the Lord, the Lord drew near to David in the wilderness and restored the love in his heart for Absalom. Therefore, David instructed his military commanders not to kill Absalom (2 Samuel 18:5). But when Joab killed Absalom, David, upon hearing the news, wept bitterly and cried out with a heart full of sorrow: "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!" (v. 33)

Before it's too late, we must restore our broken relationships—whether in marriage, between parents and children, between mothers and daughters, or with relatives and friends. To do this, we must humbly recognize our own sinful condition that has distanced us from the Lord, and, in repentance, pray humbly to Him. By doing so, we can forgive others with the heart of love that He gives us, and strive for relationships that are beautiful in His sight.

With a humble heart, I pray to the Lord Emmanuel for the fruit of love,

Pastor James Kim
(Sharing the joy of forgiveness and the joy of confessing love)