"Because of My Sin"

[Psalm 38:1-12]

While reading Pastor Kim Junsu’s book "Healing of the Heart", I came across a passage that deeply touched me, and I’d like to share it: "What we show on the outside is just a mask to hide our true selves. It is a shell to cover up the wounds and insecurities inside. People think that if they can present themselves well on the outside and receive approval from others, their internal wounds and insecurities will be soothed." Based on this thought, I wrote some reflections under the title "Wearing a Mask":

"When I am honest and transparent with my true self, and if I have the assurance that at least one friend in Christ will accept me just as I am, isn’t it truly a sad life if that certainty doesn’t exist? Eventually, living while wearing mask after mask, I forget my true self and become so accustomed to living behind the mask that I mistakenly think the masked version of myself is my true self. How pitiful is such a life. Even more pitiful is the life of someone who presents themselves with a mask before God, only packaging themselves with a form of godliness, being more concerned about outward appearances, pretending to be holy, pretending to have strong faith, and entering worship with this false exterior. How heartbreaking this must be in God's eyes."

What is the problem? The problem is that we are not honest with ourselves. The problem is that we lack the courage to face our own issues.

When we face ourselves, we must peel back our layers, much like peeling an onion, to examine our inner world. In this process, we need to develop the ability to see ourselves from God's perspective. This is not easy. We must confront not only our own problems but also the deeply hidden sins within us. By doing so, we will be able to humbly accept the things that happen in our lives because of our sin. Moreover, we will experience God's loving discipline.

We are disciplined by God because of our sins. This is why, in Psalm 38:3, David, the psalmist, says, "Because of my sin" and, as a result, he pleads with God: "O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your wrath, nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure" (v. 1). So, what was the discipline that David received from God due to his sin? I would like to reflect on six aspects of this and take a moment to consider how terrifying the consequences of sin can be in our own lives.

First, the discipline of God is "You severely oppress me."

Look at Psalm 38:2 in the Bible: "Your arrows have pierced me, and Your hand has pressed me heavily." The word "press" is also found in Psalm 32:4, which we have already meditated on: "For Your hand was heavy upon me day and night; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer." While we may not know exactly what the phrase "You press me heavily" means, one thing is clear: God uses even hardships to bring us to confess our sins (v. 3). Perhaps the phrase "Your arrows have pierced me" (38:2) refers to how God's word, like an arrow, pierces our conscience and compels us to confess our sins.

Secondly, God's discipline is physical suffering.

Look at Psalm 38:3 and 7: "Because of Your wrath there is no health in my flesh; because of my sin there is no peace in my bones... My loins are filled with a burning pain, and there is no soundness in my flesh." In these two verses, David repeats twice that there is "no health in my flesh." This indicates that God's wrath came upon David because of his sin (vv. 1, 3). As a result of God's wrath, David experienced physical suffering, and there was no peace in his bones (v. 3). The phrase "no peace in my bones" signifies extreme pain (Park Yun-seon). Why do we sometimes experience such intense suffering, like David? David explains the reason in verse 4: "My iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me to bear." Because of our many sins, we receive the discipline of God, which manifests as physical suffering. This discipline feels like a "heavy burden" (v. 4). David describes the physical suffering, which is God's discipline, caused by our sin as follows: "My heart pants; my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me" (v. 10). The phrase "my heart pants" does not indicate a joyful, faithful heart but refers to a troubled and anxious mind (Park Yun-seon). How can a heart filled with sin be joyful? Such a heart is unstable and anxious. In the end, the anxious heart caused by sin will inevitably waver. The phrase "my strength fails me; the light of my eyes has also gone from me" (v. 10) refers to how David, because of God's physical discipline, suffered so severely that his sight became dim (Park Yun-seon).

Thirdly, God's discipline is "wounds" and "sorrow."

Look at Psalm 38:5-6: "My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness; I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long." Recently, while talking with my wife, I've realized that "joy" is a blessing from God, but because of our sinful choices, we cannot even rejoice when we should, and instead, we experience sorrow. How painful is that? Ultimately, by disobeying God's word, we wound our hearts with sorrow. While the "wounds" mentioned in verse 5 may refer to physical wounds rather than emotional ones, the important thing is that these wounds are so bad that they "stink and are corrupt." This suggests that the punishment of God has lasted a long time (Park Yun-seon). When we imagine being sad and suffering from wounds for a long period of time, we must realize how terrifying the consequences of sin can be. Dr. Park Yun-seon said: "His sorrow is not due to any unfortunate circumstances in this world, but purely due to the sorrow of self-punishment for his sins." The "sorrow of self-punishment" can be understood as the discipline of God, but it is ultimately a beneficial sorrow for us. It is a beneficial sorrow that leads us to repentance.

Fourth, God's discipline is the anxiety of the heart.

Look at Psalm 37:8: "I am weary and greatly troubled; my heart is anxious and I groan." After we sin, we feel anxiety in our hearts because of that sin. Unbelievers do not experience this kind of inner anxiety, because they do not consider sin as sin and therefore do not feel pain in their hearts because of it. However, we believers feel pain because of our own sins, and as a result, we become weary, our souls are wounded, and ultimately our hearts are filled with anxiety, leading us to groan. The phrase "my heart is anxious" could also be understood as "my soul trembles" when compared with Psalm 6:3. This is the result of experiencing prolonged pain due to God's discipline. It is a sign of our human limits, as we begin to wonder how long we must endure this suffering. In this state of anxiety, we cannot help but groan or lament. In Ezekiel 21:6, God commands the prophet Ezekiel: "Son of man, sigh with a broken heart and bitter grief, sigh before their eyes." Why? The reason is "because of the rumor" (v. 7). The "rumor" refers to a calamity. And what is the result of this calamity? "Every heart will melt, all hands will be weak, every spirit will faint, and all knees will become as weak as water" (v. 7). We, too, groan and lament because, due to our sin, we are weary, wounded, and filled with anxiety in our hearts (Psalm 38:8).

Fifth, God's discipline leads to loneliness in our circumstances.

Look at Psalm 38:11: "My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague, and my relatives stand far off." This is indeed a fearsome discipline from God. The physical pain, wounds, sorrow, and anxiety of the heart are difficult and agonizing enough, but when, because of our sin, even people around us turn away and distance themselves from us, we feel deep loneliness. I am reminded of Job. His physical suffering was so agonizing that we can hardly imagine it, but even worse, his wife told him: "Are you still holding fast to your integrity? Curse God and die" (Job 2:9). How lonely must Job have felt at that moment? Even his closest companion, his wife, did not understand him and spoke foolishly... It is impossible not to feel lonely. Sin is that terrible. It isolates a person completely. The physical strength we rely on, and even our friends and relatives, seem to be cut off by God’s discipline, as He loves us.

Lastly, sixth, God's discipline allows our enemies to attack us.

Look at Psalm 38:12: "Those who seek my life lay snares for me; those who seek my hurt speak of destruction and plan deception all day long." This refers to the actions of David's enemies. David's enemies used snares, wicked words, and plots to harm him. The "snare" refers to a wicked scheme to harm David, "wicked words" are words that aim to destroy him, and "plots" refer to cunning thoughts to deceive him (Park Yun-seon). In Romans 1:24, 26, and 28, a recurring phrase is used: "God gave them over" (1:24), "God gave them over" (1:26), "God gave them over" (1:28). God allows us to experience the consequences of our sinful choices. One of the consequences is that when our enemies attack, God does not protect us, but simply gives us over to their attacks.

What should we do when we receive such discipline from God because of our own sins?

We should plead with God. We must pray for repentance. Look at Psalm 38:9: "Lord, all my desire is before You, and my sighing is not hidden from You." When we pray, we must look to Jesus, who was crucified for our sins. Jesus, who had no sin, was crucified for all of our sins and was pierced with a spear in His side. Jesus suffered not only physical pain beyond our imagination, but also inner anguish, the pain of being forsaken by God the Father. Why did He endure this? To forgive our sins, to save us. God the Father poured all of His wrath upon His only Son, Jesus Christ. As a result, we have received forgiveness of sins. Now, we are no longer lonely. The reason is that Jesus is always with us. We no longer need to be afraid, because God protects us; who can attack us and harm us? Therefore, we must continue to look to Jesus, who died on the cross for us.

Meditating on the grace and love that Jesus, who suffered for "our sins," has shown us,

Pastor James Kim
(After Thanksgiving Day, in the pastoral office)