Ephesians 4:21–24

The Importance of Being

The first thing a man and woman considering marriage must do is cultivate their own being. Only then can they see not just the outward actions of the other, but their true essence (for example, their character). This work of cultivating one’s being must continue even after marriage. Before marriage, when there are few conflicts, much of each person’s true self remains hidden. But once married and living together, countless conflicts arise, and through them, the hidden parts of each person are inevitably revealed. This allows both to better understand each other’s true being.

If we focus on each other's character and their effort to become more like Jesus—both in preparing for marriage and in living it out—we will be able to witness, by God’s grace, how sinners can live out their married life. For Christians, our identity cannot be separated from God, who is love. As beings of love, we can only truly experience joy and happiness when we live out Jesus’ commandment to love God and love our neighbor.

However, any "well-wrapped" actions that come from an empty being are meaningless and only serve to shake the foundation of marriage. We must take the importance of being seriously. We are to find our being in God's being, and in the process of becoming more like Him, we must treat our spouse as He treats us.