The love for children of worldly mothers who do not resemble Jesus

is never the love for children with the Lord’s love!

Among Jesus’ disciples, there were two brothers named James and John.  The father of the two brothers was Zebedee, and their mother brought James and John to Jesus and knelt before him and asked for something.  She asked Jesus, “Grant that these two sons of mine may sit, one at your right hand and the other at your left, in your kingdom” (Matthew 20:20-21).  Why did the mother of James and John ask Jesus for such a favor?  Of course, she did not know what she was asking Jesus for (v. 22), but I think her ultimate intention was that she wanted her two sons to become great and excellent.  So Jesus said to the ten disciples (excluding her sons James and John) who got angry at her words, “Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave” (vv. 26-27).  Jesus came not to be served but to serve (v. 28), and it seems that the mother of James and John wanted her two sons to be served.  The love of a worldly mother who does not resemble Jesus for her children is by no means the love of the Lord for her children!

Just a little while ago, I wrote a short meditation on Matthew 20 and shared it here and there.  After that, I wanted to think more specifically about the short meditation on the words I meditated on.  Perhaps the reason is that, as the title of the meditation above says, “The love of a worldly mother who does not resemble Jesus for her child is by no means the love of the Lord for her child!”  I think it is serious to me.

I personally believe that the greatest love after God’s love is a mother’s love.  That’s because I, as a son, have received and still receive my mother’s love so greatly, deeply, and widely.  Especially after she turned eighty, my mother often tells me about how much she suffered when I was born with a midwife’s help because my head was too big, and how she had a hard time giving birth to me at home, and how she had a hard time carrying me on her back and changing buses twice to take me to a faraway hospital for treatment because I got sick often when I was growing up.  Therefore, every year on Mother’s Sunday in May, when I worship God (here in the US, ‘Mother’s Day’ and ‘Father’s Day’ are separate), I feel a little moved when I sing “Precious Love, the Lord of Mother” from the new hymn book.  Here are just the lyrics of verses 1 and 2: (v. 1) Precious love, the love of mother, Broad and deep beyond all praise!  Precious love, it stirs my spirit Gives me gladness all my days.  Mother pray'd when I was weeping, Made my sorrows all her own; And when I was glad and smiling Sang her praises at the Throne.  (v. 2) Precious Book, my mother's Bible, Which she read me morn and night.  Still I see her read, and, pausing, Call some treasure to my sight: "Whosoever but believeth Shall receive eternal life."  Precious words of her reciting, Still my strength in mortal strife!  The image of my mother that I still cannot forget is of her sitting at the dining table when I visited her house, transcribing the Bible.  She eventually lowered her head to the table and fell asleep.  Another memory that I hold dear is when my mother was being taken away in an ambulance to the emergency room, and just the two of us were there worshiping God. I asked her to memorize her favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 41:10, and she recited the verse to me: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."  In addition to countless other memories that remain in my heart, if I were to share just one more, it would be the image of my mother crying in front of me.  I keep her tears in the bottle of my heart [see Psalms 56:8].  At the same time, what I cannot forget is how much I hurt her heart and made her shed tears.

I only know 1% of the things that made my mother cry.  The other 99% is that I hurt her feelings and made her cry.  I still don’t know and can only guess.  One of those guesses is that when I was a teenager, I tried to escape from my mother’s excessive love, and I hurt her feelings so much with my words and actions that she cried a lot and loudly when I couldn’t see her.  At that time, I felt burdened by the fact that my mother loved me so much.  I hated the fact that she constantly worried about me, was concerned about me, and nagged me.  In short, I wanted to be independent from my mother’s excessive love and protection.  So I struggled in my own way, and ended up saying a lot of things that I didn’t like to my mother directly.  So, from my mother's perspective, who had to hear those unpleasant words from me, she had a very hard time since she gave birth to me.  And while raising me in Korea as a child, I was so sick here and there that out of her three children, she only gave me eggs.  After immigrating to the United States, I didn't even know the English alphabet, and the next day, I had to go to elementary school and take a test by memorizing 20 words.  It was so hard that I cried and memorized them all.  How would my mother feel, who still remembers me to this day?  However, from my perspective, my mother's boundless, unconditional love was a burden to me, and I wanted to be independent from her excessive love, make decisions for myself, and do what I wanted to do as I pleased.  And I really didn't want my mother to worry about me too much and be concerned about me.  The reason was because I was worried about her health.  I still remember when I was in elementary school, my mother, who was in her early 40s, collapsed from a stroke and received acupuncture all over her body from a doctor of Oriental medicine or a church elder.  When I think about my mother, who has been taking blood pressure medication all her life, I want her to care about her own health more than mine (of course, I still do).

The reason why I am sharing my relationship with my mother so honestly is because although I believe that the love of God and the closest human love are mother’s love, if that mother’s great and precious love does not reflect God’s love, I think that such mother’s love is more harmful than beneficial to her children.  I feel very sorry for the seriousness of a mother’s love that is harmful to her children, so today, I am writing a short meditation on the word of God under the title, “The love of a worldly mother who does not resemble Jesus is never the love of the Lord for her children!” I would like to write down some of my serious thoughts in writing and organize them:

1. First, as the title of my short meditation says, I think that “worldly mothers who do not resemble Jesus” are a very big problem. Of course, worldly children who do not resemble Jesus are also a big problem, but I think that worldly mothers who do not resemble Jesus are a bigger problem than such children.
2. Even if a mother clearly believes in Jesus, if her children see her to the extent that they say, “My mother is a church servant who believes in Jesus, but when I look at her, I wonder if she truly believes in and trusts in Jesus,” then no matter how great her faith seems at church or in front of church members who say they believe in Jesus, if the mother worries, frets, and cares about her children every day and every moment at home, I think it is understandable for the children to say, “I don’t know if my mother truly believes in the Lord.”
3. Especially if such a mother loves her child so much that she wants him to be great and first like the mother of James and John, and so desperately wants to climb the ladder of worldly success and reach the highest position (status) that she goes up to the temple of God and prays to God the Father like Hannah, the mother of Samuel, saying, “God, make my child the head and never the tail” (see Deuteronomy 28:13), then I don’t think her child will ever satisfy her mother’s greed. Not only that, but her children will also suffer from guilt over never being able to satisfy their mother, and they may suffer from low self-esteem and inferiority complex due to negative thoughts such as, “No matter how hard I try, I can never satisfy my mother.”
4. I think that children who have such low self-worth and think of themselves as worthless are mentally and emotionally tied to their mothers and are at great risk of being manipulated. The child will try to gain recognition from his mother in any way possible, and the more he does so, the more his mother will be dissatisfied and say, “You can do better than that,” and want the child to climb higher up the ladder of worldly success.  I think that such excessive love and expectations or greed from mothers can kill the child’s soul, mind, and emotions.
5. When I see these children in such a serious situation, I think that the relationship between the children and their mothers is toxic. The more the mother loves her children, the more dangerously poisonous they are.  These children are poisoned and dying because of their mothers’ worldly love, but their mothers believe that she is doing her best to love her children, whom she loves the most, and she tells them so. I think it is a very sad reality.
6. Is there an antidote to this poisoned mother-child relationship? If so, what is it?  I personally think that the antidote is that mothers who love their children in the world should love their children less.  They should stop sacrificing their love by risking their lives and doing their best for themselves.  The engine of the car called ‘child love’ is so big and strong that some people keep starting the car with the sole intention of helping their children and run the race of love so hard that they can no longer apply the brakes.  So even if we say that we should love our children sacrificially and do our best, I think there are some mothers who have lost the ability to stop themselves.  So, I think that such mothers should try to love their children more.  If they don't, their children will either become poisoned and give up on themselves to the point where they want to die, or they will harbor a grudge and hate their mother.
7. I think that mothers who cannot let their children go while watching them suffocate should first distance themselves physically and temporally. They should do so intentionally.  Even if it is heartbreaking, mothers should draw healthy boundaries for their children.  In particular, mothers who are all-in on their children because of poor relationships with their husbands should stand alone before God and let their children go with faith.  Mothers who distrust God and feel anxious when thinking about their children should repent.  The reason is that not raising children with faith is a sin (see Romans 14:23).
8. Mothers who know that the problem in their relationship with their children is not their children but themselves, should go to God to solve the problem, seek the grace of repentance, and look only to Jesus Christ who was crucified and died. While repenting with the assurance of forgiveness, they should love their children and gradually try to understand more and more how great, amazing, and great God’s love is toward them.  Only then will mothers be able to love their children with God’s love.
9. Mothers who devote themselves to loving their children with God’s love love their children with the power of the Holy Spirit, not with their own strength. Therefore, they entrust their children to God with faith, believing that God loves their children the most, with the teachings and assurances of the Holy Spirit.  Therefore, they respect their children’s personality, wisely help them to leave their parents and become independent when they are old enough to make their own choices and decisions and do what they want to do.
10. A wise and Holy Spirit-filled mother loves her children with the love of Jesus as she learns about the love of Jesus and loves Jesus. And because she stands firm in her faith in Jesus, she prays to God for her children without ceasing. And because she receives answers to her prayers from God, she testifies to her children with a grateful heart and faith.  My mother is such a mother.