A Family that Praises God the Father with a Grateful Heart (3)

[Colossians 3:18-21]

Second, God's instruction to husbands is to “love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

Colossians 3:19, says: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” God has established husbands as the heads of the family and granted them divine authority. This comes with significant responsibility. What a weighty responsibility this is! It means that husbands are to love their wives and family members (Eph. 5:25), protecting and providing for them. This protection and provision should be given with such dedication that it involves personal sacrifice. According to Colossians 3:19, the Bible gives husbands two specific instructions:

(1) Husbands are instructed to love their wives.

How should husbands love their wives? Ephesians 5:25 says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” I have considered five aspects of this love:

(a) Husbands should view their wives as a blessing given by God.

Proverbs 18:22 says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” This verse is not referring to just any wife. The “wife” mentioned in this verse is described as an “excellent wife” (12:4), a “prudent wife” (19:14), or a “wife of noble character” (31:10). Such a woman is capable (v. 10), strong, and virtuous. She is wise and discerning and helps her husband well. The Bible says that those who find such a virtuous, wise, and noble wife are blessed and have received favor from God. A husband with such a wife is truly blessed because this kind of wife is a great treasure to him.

But why do many husbands not see their wives as a blessing from God? What could be the reason? One reason is that the woman is not an excellent wife, but rather a contentious wife (12:4). The term “contentious wife” refers to a woman who is argumentative (Park). It also describes a woman who brings shame to her husband through her inappropriate words or actions (Internet). Concerning such a woman, the Bible says: “It is better to live in a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (21:9), and “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” (25:24). Perhaps some men might want to use this as an excuse: ‘God didn’t give me a virtuous wife, but rather a quarrelsome and angry one. How can I consider such a wife a blessing?’ This may sound like a plausible excuse. If I were to hear such a statement, I would want to respond: ‘God did not give you a quarrelsome and angry wife; rather, you chose her yourself. Therefore, you should take responsibility and work on nurturing her into a virtuous woman.’ In many cases, it seems that men choose to marry women who are attractive and appealing but later become quarrelsome and angry, rather than accepting the virtuous, wise, and noble women that God offers. If we make such a choice, we must take responsibility and be dedicated to nurturing our wives into virtuous women. Too many men today are showing irresponsible words and behaviors towards their chosen wives. They are not afraid to speak curses to their wives and also act in ways that make their wives feel like they are cursed. In short, many wives are living without receiving love from their husbands. How tragic is the life of such a woman?

We husbands should regard our wives as the blessings that God has given us. Our wives are a gift from God to us. We should delight in our wives and always be satisfied with their presence.

(b) Husbands should value their wives highly.

1 Peter 3:7a says: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life ....” Research in modern social sciences reveals that there are three fundamental needs that a wife requires in marriage. The most essential of these is to be valued (the other two are understanding and respect). Husbands should honor their wives. If the Lord values our wives, who are we to despise a daughter of God whom the Lord values? 1 John 4:20 states: “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” If we husbands claim to honor the Lord, who is invisible, while failing to honor our visible wives, this is hypocrisy.

Today, June 16, is celebrated as "Father's Day" here in the United States. I received a "Happy Father's Day" message from an Indian missionary, and I thought the application of the word "F.A.T.H.E.R.S." was quite fitting:

(1) F: Faithful (Fathers are faithful).

(2) A: Always there (Fathers are always present).

(3) T: Trustworthy (Fathers are trustworthy).

(4) H: Honoring (Fathers are to be honored).

(5) E: Ever-loving (Fathers love unconditionally).

(6) R: Righteous (Fathers are righteous).

(7) S: Supportive (Fathers are supportive).

Reflecting on this, and thinking about an Indian missionary and her father, who is a man of God, I wrote this for myself to reflect and apply.

(1) Our fathers, who are the heads of families that believe in and love Jesus, are men of God.

(2) The loving God has greatly influenced us, His children, through our fathers who are men of God, and He continues to do so, and will do so until we die.

(3) Although we may temporarily part from such loving fathers in this world, we are confident that we will meet them again in the world to come. Nevertheless, the longing for our beloved fathers seems beyond words.

(4) We believe that living our lives in faith and love for Jesus, and for the gospel, just as we have been influenced by our fathers, is a great grace and blessing from God.

(5) Just as we have received a significant positive influence from our fathers, we hope that our children will also receive such influence from us.

(c) Husbands should take delight in their wives.

Proverbs 5:18 says, "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." How exactly should our husbands find joy in their wives? Husbands should always be satisfied with their wives. Proverbs 5:19 states, "She is a loving deer, a graceful doe; may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love." To be satisfied with one's wife means that our hearts should be captivated by her love. In particular, husbands should be more captivated by their wife's virtues than by her beauty. This is the meaning of the metaphor, ‘She is a loving deer, a graceful doe’ (Park). When this is the case, we will enjoy only the love of our fountain and well (v. 15), our wives, and will never abandon them for the house of a harlot. In other words, when we are sexually and emotionally fulfilled by our wives, we will never long for or be attracted to the love of a harlot (v. 20). Proverbs 5:16-17 says, "Why should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers."

But how many husbands today overflow their fountains beyond their homes and share them with others? How many men are abandoning their wives and turning to other women? Many husbands are failing to always be satisfied with their wives and are not finding joy in them. Consequently, they do not cherish their wives' love but instead long for and embrace other women. When men abandon their wives and become interested in other women, they inevitably face the consequences of their sinful choices (vv. 7-14). These consequences include loss of honor (v. 9), loss of time (v. 9), loss of wealth (v. 10), loss of health (v. 11), and torment of conscience (vv. 12-14). Therefore, we should recognize the results of adultery and avoid desiring other women. Instead, we should be always satisfied with our wives and find joy in them.

In today's passage, Colossians 3:19, the Bible gives two instructions to husbands. The first instruction is that husbands should love their wives. How should husbands love their wives? We have already reflected on three of the five biblical principles: (1) Husbands should view their wives as a blessing from God (Prov. 18:22). (2) Husbands should honor their wives (1 Pet. 3:7). (3) Husbands should find joy in their wives (Prov. 5:18). How should husbands find joy in their wives? Husbands should always and sufficiently appreciate their wives' affection. Proverbs 5:19 says, “She is like a loving deer, a graceful doe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be intoxicated always in her love.” To always appreciate one's wife means that the husband should be captivated by his wife's love.

Last Sunday, we learned about the third biblical principle, and on Friday, I read a short meditation based on Song of Solomon 4:9, which was posted by a brother I met through an online ministry in our KakaoTalk group for mutual prayer support. The verse from Song of Solomon 4:9 says, “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.” According to the brother’s explanation, the phrase “you have stolen my heart” means “to lose control of one’s own heart and to be captivated to the point that one's thoughts and attention are constantly directed toward the other person.” In other words, the Lord, as the Bridegroom, is so captivated by even the smallest gestures of the Church, His bride, that His heart is fully taken by them. When reflecting on this meditation, three biblical verses came to mind: (1) (Isaiah 43:4) “Since you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you, I will give men in return for you, and peoples in exchange for your life.” (2) (Zephaniah 3:17) “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” (3) (Psalms 139:17-18) “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.” When I reflected again on how the Bridegroom, our Lord, loves us, the Church, in such a profound way, I found myself asking, “Am I loving my wife in this manner?” As Proverbs 5:19 says, “Am I always and sufficiently satisfied with my wife’s embrace?” and “Is my heart captivated by my wife’s love?” According to Dr. Yoon-sun Park, husbands should be captivated by their wife’s virtues rather than her beauty (Park). So, yesterday, Saturday, I asked myself, “What are the virtues of my wife that captivate my heart?” Not knowing the exact meaning of the word "virtue," I looked it up online. According to the dictionary, it means “morally good and beautiful actions, or such acts” (Internet). However, I was more touched by the meaning given by Jonathan Edwards in his book “The Nature of True Virtue.” Edwards explains that true virtue is unconditional love for God and unconditional love for fellow believers. Yet, the true owner of true virtue is God Himself. God is the embodiment of true virtue. When we are born again by the Holy Spirit given by God, we possess this true virtue. Thus, we love God unconditionally and also love fellow believers who have received the Holy Spirit unconditionally. This is because the Holy Spirit of God is directly present in the born-again believer (Internet). I wanted to reflect more specifically on my wife’s virtues, so I revisited the six characteristics of the virtuous woman from Proverbs 31:10-31 that I had already meditated on, and thought about how my wife resembles this virtuous woman. Among the six characteristics, I identified three that describe my wife: (1) ‘A virtuous woman gives her husband trust’ (vv. 11-12): My wife provides me with trust, so I have confidence in her. (2) ‘A virtuous woman enables her husband to be respected by others’ (v. 23): My wife helps me gain recognition and respect from people. (3) ‘A virtuous woman has wise speech’ (v. 26): My wife possesses wise speech in my view. This wise speech means she speaks a word in season (15:23) and communicates thoughtfully, taking various factors into consideration when speaking (Park).

(d) Husbands should love and cherish their wives as they do their own bodies.

As stated in Ephesians 5:28 and the first half of 33: “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself … However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.” Just as we care for our own bodies’ needs, our love for our wives should fulfill their needs and promote their growth and development. Moreover, husbands should love their wives with two specific purposes: to make her holy (Eph. 5:26a) and to present her to the Lord as a radiant wife (v. 27). The way to achieve these purposes is outlined in Ephesians 5:26: “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,” and in 1 Peter 1:22: “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth ….” Husbands are to instruct their wives with the truth of God’s Word and lead them to obey it, guiding them to live a life separated from the world, that is, a holy life. Therefore, husbands should nurture their wives to be radiant and gloriously reflecting the Lord’s splendor.

(e) Husbands should be able to make sacrifices for their wives.

Ephesians 5:25 states: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Husbands should practice sacrificial love with the goal of benefiting their wives, not with the expectation of receiving rewards from them, but purely out of a desire to care for them. Husbands should be willing to make sacrifices even in small matters. For example, listening carefully to their wives, spending time together, occasionally taking out the trash, or pretending to do the dishes in the kitchen—these small acts of attention can be expressions of great love.

(f) Husbands should take an active role in parenting.

Ephesians 6:4 states: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” As the head of the household, husbands are responsible not only for nurturing their wives with God's Word but also for raising their children in the Lord's discipline and instruction. Parenting should not be left solely to our wives while we remain passive. We must take an active and proactive role in fulfilling our responsibilities in raising our children.

In his book “Life in the Spirit”, Dr. Lloyd-Jones said: ‘A husband must love his wife as part of his own body. He does not insult her. He does not disregard her. He does not regard her as something perfect. He protects her from her weaknesses. He strengthens her’ (Llyod-Jones). I hope that we husbands will be committed to loving our wives in this way.