We must cease being prisoners of the interpersonal!

"As we make God the center of our lives, our sense of who we are will depend less on what others think of us or say about us. We will cease being prisoners of the interpersonal"(Henry Nowen, "TURN MY MOURNING INTO DANCING").

              On July 29, 2009, I wrote the following post on my personal Naver blog: "Only today did I begin to put into words my own inadequate thoughts about 'human relationships,' which I had been contemplating in my own way.  I had been intending to jot down my thoughts that arise when reading posts from individuals with disabilities struggling with human relationships, but kept postponing it.  Today, spurred by an email from a person with disabilities, I decided to take up the challenge and open the 'human relationships' folder.  I hope to receive teachings from God with each inadequate thought I jot down.  Since I may not properly receive God's teachings and my thoughts may be insufficient, I welcome your responses.  I wish that sharing together will be a good opportunity for us to learn wisdom from each other. In the Lord, Pastor James."  Afterwards, on the same day, under the title "Priority of Relationships," I uploaded a post in the 'human relationships' folder that I had already written on July 28, 2009: "I believe there is a priority in relationships.  In other words, the vertical relationship with God is more important than the horizontal relationship with neighbors.  Therefore, we should first focus on the relationship with God, which is more important than the relationship with neighbors."

If not, and if we prioritize our relationship with neighbors and focus on that relationship, we will never be able to form a proper relationship with our neighbors.  Conversely, if we each ask ourselves the question and find that our relationship with neighbors is not good, the cause is likely due to a poor relationship with God.  Conversely, thinking the other way around, Christians with a good relationship with God will undoubtedly also have good relationships with their neighbors.  We often encounter difficulties not only in the community of the church but also in relationships with fellow believers in the workplace or business.  We should consider these challenges in neighborly love as an opportunity to turn our focus towards our relationship with God and ourselves.  The reason is that through such challenges, we can strengthen our relationship with our God even more.  In a way, I see difficulties, hurts, and wounds from human relationships as a good opportunity to view ourselves from God's perspective.  It is also a precious opportunity to experience God's help, healing, and correction.  Moreover, it is an opportunity to realize our own foolishness and weakness.  In the midst of all this, I believe that our human relationships can become an occasion for prayer, aligning them with God.  Therefore, even in human relationships, I think that without God's help, it is impossible, and as we seek His help, love, and wisdom, we will experience neighborly relationships with His presence and guidance.  Praying that the love and grace bestowed in the relationship with God, guided by the leading of the Holy Spirit, may naturally flow into relationships with neighbors, Pastor James Kim (July 28, 2009, while emphasizing focusing more on the invisible relationship with God than the visible human relationships)."

However, yesterday, Friday (December 29, 2023), while I was focused on preparing for the funeral service of my dear friend, Albert, my beloved wife, who was not feeling well, said to me, ‘You often claim to be people-oriented rather than work-oriented, but (from my perspective) when you focus on something and concentrate, it seems like you don't see the people around you well, and you end up dragging them along with the effort you put into your work.’  After expressing this concern, my wife, muttered to herself, ‘It seems challenging for us to be both work-oriented and people-oriented.’  Upon hearing her words, I couldn't deny that in the process of giving my best effort to help the grieving family of my dear friend Albert (especially his wife), I had lost the balance between being work-oriented and people-oriented, just as my wife had pointed out.  My excuse was, ‘The funeral of my dear friend is approaching next Saturday, so I found myself having to advance the preparations while juggling responsibilities in my home, pastoral work, and online ministry.’  After our conversation, that night before going to sleep, I lay in bed and continued reading Henry Nouwen's book, "Turn My Mourning Into Dancing," which I had started the night before.  During this time, I rediscovered interest in a particular passage: "As we make God the center of our lives, our sense of who we are will depend less on what others think of us or say about us.  We will cease being prisoners of the interpersonal" (Nouwen).  Reflecting on this passage, I felt compelled to write a piece this early Saturday morning under the title " We must cease being prisoners of the interpersonal!"

The reason I chose the title "We must cease being prisoners of the interpersonal!" is that, despite Henry Nouwen stating, "As we make God the center of our lives, our sense of who we are will depend less on what others think of us or say about us.  We will cease being prisoners of the interpersonal," I believe that many people have not yet broken free from the imprisonment of interpersonal relationships.  My basis for this belief is that, starting with myself, many people around me seem to heavily rely on “our sense of who we are will depend less on what others think of us or say about us,” just as Nouwen mentioned.  Why do we depend on how others think or say about us to such an extent?  Is our existence so dependent on the thoughts and words of others?  Shouldn't our existence rely on God's thoughts and God's word in the Lord?  For example, even if others have negative thoughts and speak negatively about us, their thoughts, compared to God's thoughts of love, are as countless as the grains of sand on the seashore (Ps. 139:17-18; Isa. 55:8).  Shouldn't we rely on God's word saying, "You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you" (Isa. 43:4)?  Why are we so sensitive to how others think or speak about us?  Why do we permit others to determine our worth?  Is God's existence (God's thoughts and God's word) worth less than the value others place on us?  That's not the case, is it?  God's thoughts are much more important to us than the thoughts of others, aren't they?  God's word is much more important to us than the words of others, isn't it?  Why, then, do we depend on the thoughts and words of others for our sense of worth?  This shows that we are not currently making God the center of our lives.  Although we may pray and express a desire to live a God-centered life with our lips, in reality, our hearts are not centered on God as our Lord.  Consequently, we rely on how others think or speak about us for our sense of worth.  This is why we find ourselves still unable to break free from the imprisonment of interpersonal relationships.  How should we address this significant issue?

When I posed this question, it led me to think about the word "prisoners" in Henry Nouwen's statement about the imprisonment of interpersonal relationships.  In doing so, I recalled the Korean short reflections I had contemplated yesterday, Friday, while translating those brief reflections into English, I remembered the short meditative writings I had shared on the internet and searched for them on my Naver blog:

"Why does God lead us into situations where we appear imprisoned in the eyes

of others?  At the time of the Exodus, the Israelites were also seemingly trapped

in the eyes of Pharaoh, standing before the Red Sea (Exod. 14:3), and David, in Ziph,

found himself seemingly trapped in the eyes of King Saul (1 Sam. 23:7). Perhaps

God does this not to make us cry out to Him but to prompt us to receive His word,

to instill in us a deeper trust in the God of salvation, demonstrating His power of

deliverance.  Could it be that He does this to further strengthen our faith in the God

of salvation?"

"When I look back on my life, God did not lead me in shortcuts as I prayed and

expected; instead, He guided me the long way around (Exod. 13:17-18).

Furthermore, even when I couldn't see a solution to the problem, He led me into a

seemingly trapped situation (14:3).  When contemplating why God led me in this way,

perhaps He didn't want me to desire, 'Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord,

which He will accomplish for you today' (vv. 13-14)."

"As one imprisoned, looking in every direction, I see no resolution to my problems.

I feel discouraged, and even despair sets in. I want to complain. I want to give up.

Though I look in every direction, though I cannot see a solution to my problems, I

lift my eyes and gaze upon the Lord. I long for the Lord; I harbor hope within Him.

The reason is that even though I am imprisoned, I am one who holds on to hope

(Lamen. 3:12).  Therefore, I am grateful.  Therefore, I praise the God of salvation.

I will see the glory of God."

"The one imprisoned within the situation (Exod. 14:3) is dominated by the environment,

filled with fear and resentment (vv. 10-12).  However, the one imprisoned in the truth is

governed by the Word, looking to the Lord in faith with hope (vv. 13-14, Ps. 43:5)."

"God leads those who are imprisoned to prosperity (Ps. 68:6).  God led Joseph out of

prison, making him a ruler in Egypt, saving the lives of his family and descendants,

preserving them in this land (Gen. 39:20ff.).  God led the Israelites out of the seemingly

trapped situation in front of the Red Sea, delivering them from the hands of the

Egyptian army (Exod. 14:3 ff2f.).  God led Paul and Silas out of prison, allowing

them to rescue the jailer and his family (Acts 16)."

Upon reflecting on these words, I realized that when we find ourselves trapped in the imprisonment of interpersonal relationships due to not making God the center of our lives, we should first look at the blessings that God, hidden in that captivity, has prepared for us through the perspective of faith and the Word.  Even though the entrapment may seem suffocating in practical terms, leading to social anxiety, we must rely on God's Word-centered thinking and trust that, through this entrapment, God will fulfill His good, perfect, and pleasing will, bestowing blessings upon us.  Especially, in situations of interpersonal relationships, as expressed in the first verse of the hymn "Simply Trusting Every day," we must simply trust God even more everyday as the days goes by and as we go through a stormy way.  In such circumstances, we need to contemplate why God leads us into seemingly trapped situations, as seen in the cases of Joseph in Genesis 39:20, the Israelites in Exodus 14:3, David in 1 Samuel 23:7, and Paul and Silas in Acts 16:23.  In doing so, we should seek insights from God's Word, and through the Holy Spirit's guidance, gain valuable understanding to see our imprisonment of interpersonal relationships from God's perspective.  Only then, with the eyes of faith, we can perceive the imprisonment of interpersonal relationships correctly and rely on God within that entrapment, patiently enduring, hoping, praying, and expecting.  Moreover, within the entrapment of interpersonal relationships, we will recognize the blessings that God has prepared for us through His Word, humbly embracing those blessings in faith and partially enjoying them.  One of these blessings is that when we are trapped in interpersonal relationships, the challenging reality urges us to seek God, hear His voice, and desire His Word more fervently.  In these moments, the blessing we receive is God's response to our prayers, giving us the promise of His Word through the Scripture.  The Holy Spirit not only etches these Words into our hearts but also deeply impresses them upon our hearts.  The Spirit not only compels us to hold on to the Word but ultimately grasps our hearts with the promise, allowing us to endure with patience, overcome the imprisoned situation, and finally achieve victory.  In this victory, the Holy Spirit liberates us from the entrapment of interpersonal relationships, enabling us to experience the God of salvation and enjoy true freedom!